


Where the Avengers have a group-chat and Nothing Goes Peter’s way.

by Opacityxl



Series: Group-chat Universe [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Irondad angst, Irondad fluff, M/M, Multi, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker needs a big fat hug, Sick Peter Parker, They all need hugs, Tony Stark Has A Heart, let’s hope i added all the characters, they r domestic lol, this is all light-hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2019-12-18 06:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18244094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opacityxl/pseuds/Opacityxl
Summary: 𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻: do you think im that stupid?𝗶𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗱: i can’t even answer that question seriously kiddoOr: Peter is stupid. Tony is always exasperated. Harley’s just there for the ride.The domestic avengers you never knew you needed.(summary updated)





	1. Avenger’s Official Group-chat

**Author's Note:**

> hi i’m tired and sick and my body aches enjoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> introduction chapter :)

_at 4:45 pm_

**_Tony Stark added Peter Parker, Thor, Bucky Barnes, Shuri, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, T’challa, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov, Rhodey, Wanda Maximoff, and Vision to_ **

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **Shuri:** i am not an avenger but the effort counts

 **Tony Stark:** i do something nice-

 **Peter Parker:** “nice”

 **Tony Stark:** now really is not the time >:(

 **Clint Barton:** can we change our names

 **Steve Rogers:** That’s not that professional.

 **Peter Parker:** i feel like you’re just saying that to be mean

 

_**Peter Parker** changed their name to **spiderson**_

_**spiderson** changed **Tony Stark’s** name to **irondad**_

 

 **irondad:** w h y

 **spiderson:** you only live once dad

 **Steve Rogers:** Is he, your kid???

 **Bucky Barnes:** that’s is the only time i’ve ever seen you be so expression full on text

 **irondad:** he is not my kid

 

_**Bucky Barnes** changed their name to **buckedtoothgal**_

_**buckedtoothgal** changed **Steve Roger’s** name to **starstrangledpanties**_

 

 **spiderson:** s-strangled?

 **buckedtoothgal:** i said what i said

 **Natasha Romanov:** what is this

 **Clint Barton:** can you not,,,read

 **Natasha Romanov:** clint shut up i can legally strangle you with my feet

 **spiderson:** what’s up with you guys and strangling holy shit

 **starstrangledpanties:** Language.

 **spiderson:** speaking of strangling…

 **irondad:** hold back

 

_**Natasha Romanov** changed their name to blackwidow _

_**Clint Barton** changed their name to arrowhead _

_**Shuri** changed their name to **princessshuri**_

 

 **blackwidow:** you were saying something about strangling parker ?

**spiderson:**

**princessshuri:** my name is kinda confusing cause there are three s’

 **Wanda Maximoff:** why is this “official groupchat” if you guys are all shit posting

 **Wanda Maximoff:** hello peter, shuri

 **starstrangledpanties:** Language.

 **spiderson:** steve i swear to god get a goddamn new catchphrase or i will choke you with my THIGHS

 

_**Wanda Maximoff** changed their name to **magicbitch**_

 

 **spiderson:** steve don’t you fucking dare buddy

 **starstrangledpanties:** I am trying my best, Peter.

 **irondad:** pete you are underage you will not choke anyone with anything

 **spiderson:** why did you.          say it like,,,,,t h a t

 

 **_irondad_ ** _has kicked_ **_spiderson_ ** _out of the server._

 

 **Vision:** I wanted to change my name, but I am afraid I don’t know how.

 **magicbitch:** sigh

 

_**magicbitch** changed Vision’s name to **vision**_

 

 **magicbitch:** lol

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _added_ **_spiderson_ **

 

 **spiderson:** hacked the mother fucking system bitch

 **starstrangledpanties:** It hurts Peter please stop cussing.

 **buckedtoothgal:** steve is physically holding back.

 **spiderson:** g o o d

 

_at 3:23 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** ui neied a little help y

 **irondad:** uh peter?

 **spiderson:** dad ?

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 

 **blackwidow:** peter, for the love of god, please don’t tell me you’re bleeding out

 **spiderson:** pffffffffttttttttt noooooooooooooo

 **spiderson:** mahbe a lik bif

 **irondad:** you’re giving me gray hairs, kid

 **spiderson:** i lie grayf

 **blackwidow:** yeah grays a good color huh pete

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** i have a sixth sense whenever pete does something stupid

 **buckedtoothgal:** did he get shot or stabbed

 **spiderson:** iformation i’m not willfing to divludge

 **buckedtoothgal:** judging by how bad you’re misspelling things, i’m guessing shot.

 **spiderson:** booo

 **spiderson:** you wernt sipposed to gueessf

 **spiderson:** ow gettinf shot socks

 **buckedtoothgal:** you are so dumb parker

 **spiderson:** not my faulf there werfe so manny guysf

 **blackwidow:** don’t worry we’re not mad kiddo

 **irondad:** no i am

 **blackwidow:** i’m not speaking for you now am i

 **irondad:** you spoil him

 **buckedtoothgal:** ^

 **spiderson:** whatsf is thas? gang up onf pete dats?

 **buckedtoothgal:** how far out are you tony?

 **irondad:** a minute

 **spiderson:** pls dontsg lectare me :(((:&:

 **spiderson:** i’m sa  tiredfg

 **buckedtoothgal:** NO

 **blackwidow:** DO NOT SLEEP PETER

 **blackwidow:** peter?

 **irondad:** i’m here, it’s pretty bad.

 **irondad:** can someone wake up bruce and tell him to get the medbay ready?

 

 **_Bruce Banner_ ** _is online_

 

 **Bruce Banner:** Already on it.

 **buckedtoothgal:** he better fight or i swear to god i will pull him from underground by his ear.

 

_at 6:44 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 

 **princessshuri:** is he okay?

 **irondad:** yeah, he’s sleeping

 **princessshuri:** whew thank god

 **spiderson:** i’m back and i’m still gay lol

 **Bruce Banner:** You’re supposed to be sleeping.

 

 **_Thor_ ** _is online_

 

 **Thor:** What is this????

 **Bruce Banner:** Hey, babe, this is a groupchat.

 **Thor:** oh.

 **Thor:** is the man of spiders okay?

 **Bruce Banner:** He would be if he _rested._

 **spiderson:** :P

 

_**spiderson** changed **Bruce Banner’s** name to **drbanner**_

_**spiderson** changed **Thor’s** name to **biggay**_

 

 **spiderson:** hnnnnggggg big gay

 **biggay:** sounds about right.

 **drbanner:** Go to sleep or ill send Tony on you.

 **spiderson:** i am not scared of him

 **irondad:** you’re scared of may. and pepper

 **spiderson:** _you wouldn’t_

 **irondad:** go. to. sleep.

 **spiderson:** ffffineee


	2. Loaf of bread or Bears???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk what to put here but have fun go crazygt

_at 5:45 pm_

**_T’challa_ ** _is online_

 

 **T’challa:** Sister, why am I in the group chat with the avengers?

 **princessshuri:** cause we didn’t want you to feel excluded

 **T’challa:** Rather _not_ be in it.

 **spiderson:** the disrespect.

 **princessshuri:** you asked for it.

 

_**princessshuri**  changed **T’challa’s** name to **tchancla**_

 

 **tchancla:** God you suck.

 **princessshuri:** and you swallow

 **spiderson:** nice

 **princessshuri:** you can’t relate to sibling things haha

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

**_irondad_ ** _added_ **_Harley Keener_ **

 

 **Harley Keener:** what’s up you fucking nerd lol

 **spiderson:** D I E

 

_**spiderson** changed **Harley Keener’s** name to **dork**_

 

 **dork:** wow love u 2

 **princessshuri:** you guys are the worse

 **princessshuri:** also i take back what i said

 **spiderson:** now that youre here harley

 **spiderson:** guess who else is here

 **spiderson:** hey natasha

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 

 **dork:** no peter don’t you dare

 **spiderson:** harley has the biggest crushsbsbsb

 **irondad:** damn he mma bodyslammed peter

 **princessshuri** : LMAO

 **blackwidow:** harley do you have a crush on me?

 **dork:** PETER HAS A CRUSH ON THOR

 **spiderson:** dude.

 **spiderson:** w h y

 **dork:** karma

 **dork:** ok i’m leaving now cause hhbgngnnf natasha

 **blackwidow:** :)

 **dork:** hnnnnng

 

 **_dork_ ** _has left_

 **_biggay_ ** _is online_

 

 **biggay:** man of spiders?

 **spiderson:** yes thor?

 **biggay:** you have a crush on me?

 **spiderson:**...no

 **biggay:** i am flattered!

 **princessshuri:** hnnnnngggg big gay

 **princessshuri:** also pete youre a man whore

 **spiderson:** :(((((((

 **spiderson:** thor i love you

 

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 

 **drbanner:** You are u n d e r a g e.

 **spiderson:** AND YOU ARE JEALOUS

 **biggay:** you know i’m dating you right?

 **drbanner:** Hm.

 **spiderson:** >:(

 **biggay:** i love you 2 man of spiders!!!

 

_**spiderson** took a screenshot of chat _

 

_at 12:34 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **irondad:** peter

 **irondad:** why is #biggay trending

 **spiderson:**       no. reason

 **irondad:** _peter_ >:(

 **irondad:** peterrrrr

 **spiderson:** big gay mr stark :’(

 **irondad** : don’t call me mr stark

 **spiderson:** ok dr stark

 **irondad:** sigh

 

_at 4:56 am_

**_irondad added drbanner, blackwidow, arrowhead, princessshuri, biggay, magicbitch, Sam Wilson, buckedtoothgal, and starstrangledpanties_ ** _to “Peter Parker Protection Squad”_

 

 **Sam Wilson:** why me

 **buckedtoothgal:** we all know you secretly care about the kid

 

_**Sam Wilson** changed their name to **birb**_

 

 **birb:** you caught me barnes >:(

 **blackwidow:** so why did you make this groupchat dear old tony

 **irondad:** please don’t call me old

 **princessshuri:** ok we won’t old man (*´∇｀*)

 **irondad:** i’m gonna ignore you said that and get right to the mission

 **starstrangledpanties:** He’s probably gonna find this groupchat and get mad.

 **buckedtoothgal:** bet

 **starstrangledpanties:** You wish.

 **buckedtoothgal:** scared but turned on

 **blackwidow:** WHY

 **biggay:** this is a pg chat and under no circumstances will you be saying things like that

 **drbanner:** Scared, but turned on.

 **birb:** shuri can you give me a reaction emote

 **princessshuri:** (｀_´)ゞ

 **birb:** (｀_´)ゞ

 **irondad:** ANYWAYS

 **irondad:** he’s hiding something i can tell

 **blackwidow:** well they don’t call me the hot russian spy for nothing

 **buckedtoothgal:** no one calls you that.

 

 **_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 

 **arrowhead:** NO ONE CALLS YOU THAT

 **arrowhead:** GODAMMIT

 **buckedtoothgal:** maybe next time pal (◞‸◟)

 

 **_princessshuri_ ** _liked_ **_buckedtoothgal’s_ ** _message_

 

 **birb:** hahahaha

 **bird:** OH SHIT PETER IS IN HERE

 **arrowhead:** why are you panicking just,,,,turn off your phone

 

 **_birb_ ** _has left the chat_

 

 **blackwidow:** he’s the biggest dumbass i’ve ever met

 **arrowhead:** ( ✌︎'ω')✌︎

 **blackwidow:** next to clint of course

 **irondad:** where do you keep getting these emotes

 **arrowhead:** you go to keyboard

 **irondad:** it was rhetorical

 **irondad:** i’m a genius i THINK i know how to do it

 **arrowhead:** whoa ok

 **irondad:** but can you explain it again please,,,,for the audience

 

_at 6:32 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Groupchat_

 

 **spiderson:** you guys have a groupchat without me

 

 **_birb_ ** _is online_

 

 **birb:** no we don’t

 **spiderson:** stop lying, i see you tapping your foot from across the room

 **birb:** i am terrified of you

 **spiderson:** i am 16 and 5’8 but ok

 **drbanner:** You can lift Thor and throw him across the room.

 **drbanner:** You eat three times what kids your age normally eat.

 **drbanner:** You have a sixth sense.

 **drbanner:** _You are f a s t._

 **spiderson:** but i am small

 **princessshuri:** he has the intimidatecy of a butterfly

 **spiderson:** that’s not a word…

 **princessshuri:** you’re not a word

 **spiderson:** did you make a gc because i have blue blood and i didn’t tell you

 **_spiderson_ ** _is typing_

 **irondad:** YOU HAVE WHAT BLOOD

 **buckedtoothgal:** how did you even find that out?

 **starstrangledpanties:** Please say paper cut, please say paper cut, please say paper cut.

 **spiderson:** nope! k n i f e

 **blackwidow:** you are very stupid for a genius peter

 **spiderson:** thank you natasha! very cool!

 **spiderson:** ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

 **spiderson:** are these bears or loafs of bread

 **spiderson** : should i make a poll for that

 **spiderson:** why am i getting ignored

 **spiderson:** why are you guys all running towards me

 **spiderson:** guys WAitbdndnd

 

_at 9:45 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** i made the poll

 **spiderson:** loafsorbreadlol.poll

 **irondad:** sigh

 **blackwidow:** you seem exasperated but the fondness on your face says otherwise

 


	3. tony-dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter gets sick and tony goes into dad mode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi the new endgame trailer broke my heart especially with the tony and peter photo with the bunny ears :/

_at 6:45 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_foursome lol_

 

 **spiderson:** yeah uh i’m not going to school

 **mj:** we have decathlon practice, so you better spit out whatever is happening with you

 **spiderson:** i have the stomach flu

 **harry potter:** aw bb i thought u had enhanced metabolism or something meaning you can’t get sick.

 **mj:** don’t call him bb i feel like a third wheel

 **spiderson:** you do that with shuri like everyday

 **mj:** fair

 **neddie:** wait how does that make sense i’m here too

 **spiderson:** also that’s what i thought when i drank from natasha’s cup and now i’m shivering three days later

 **mj:** go to tony or i will for you

 **spiderson:** n o

 **mj:** ok here it goes

 

_at 7:00 am_

_**mj** is online _

_**(mj** >>> **irondad)**_

 

 **mj:** i am texting on behalf of peter, he has the stomach flu and i’m pretty sure a fever along with chills

 **irondad:** oh shit thanks kid

 **mj:** you’re welcome also can you tell natasha i love her

 **irondad:** sure

 **mj:** THIS STAYS BETWEEN US

 **mj:** if ned and peter find out i’m a fan girl they will never let me live it down.

 **irondad:** got it

 

_at 8:34 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection Squad_

 

 **irondad:** kids got a nasty fever bruce

 **drbanner:** Alright, let me get the medbay ready.

 **blackwidow:** awww damn that was my fault, i didn’t mean to get him sick

 **irondad:** it’s fine natasha

 **blackwidow:** i see you guys in the security camera

 **blackwidow:** is he crying ?

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** who’s crying

 **blackwidow:** peter

 **buckedtoothgal:** who do i need to fight (｀_´)ゞ

 **blackwidow:** his immune system?

 **buckedtoothgal:** you do what you have to do

 **irondad:** he’s a lil delusional

 **arrowhead:** did you just throw him over your shoulder

 **princessshuri:** dad mode: ACTIVATED

 **irondad:** jesus hes like 85 pounds

 **blackwidow:** wtf are his bones extra light

 **spiderson:** bold of you to assume i have bones

 **drbanner:** It’s the spider dna.

 **biggay:** he doesn’t have bones??????

 **drbanner:** No, he’s light.

 **biggay:** but his heart is full

 **arrowhead:** ever since he admitted his crush on you, you won’t let it go

 **biggay:** yeah because no one ever had a crush on me

 **drbanner:** All the 15 year old girls in the world?

 **spiderson:** bruce???

 **biggay:** bruce doesn’t count cause we are already dating

 **spiderson:** (・・?)

 **princessshuri:** that emote is your lifeline

 **princessshuri:** wait a minute how...are you in this gc

 **blackwidow:** HOW DID WE NOT NOTICE THAT OH MY GOD

 **arrowhead:** _screenshot.jpf_

 **_blackwidow:_ ** _well they don’t call me the hot russian spy for nothing_

 **blackwidow:** really?

 **spiderson:** i have my ways.

 **irondad:** just be humble and say you’re a genius and hacking into a groupchat is the easiest thing you’ve done

 **spiderson:** i’m a genius and hacking into this groupchat was the easiest thing i’ve ever done

 **spiderson:** make a groupchat without me again and i’ll do more harm than hacking

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _kicked_ **_spiderson_ **

 

 **irondad:** ok he’s in the medbay now.

 

_three days later_

_at 3:45 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Officials Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** rhetorically if

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** oh god

 **spiderson:** WAIT LET ME FINISH

 **spiderson:** rhetorically if i got accepted into a big college would you make a big deal

 **buckedtoothgal:** absolutely

 **buckedtoothgal:** is this still rhetorical ?

 **spiderson:** ,,,,,yes

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_blackwidow_ ** _added_ **_birb_ **

 

 **blackwidow:** _peter_

 **spiderson:** ITS RHETORICAL

 **birb:** how the hell did you get accepted into a college already? you’re a sophomore

 **spiderson:** i pranked you

 **spiderson:** i’m not smart enough for that haha

 **buckedtoothgal:** i think we all know you aren’t lying

 **blackwidow:** what colleges peter

 **spiderson:** n o n e

 **birb:** TELL US

 **spiderson:** ᵐᶦᵗ

 **blackwidow:** MIT

 **_spiderson_ ** _deleted messages from the last 10 minutes_

 **blackwidow:** w h y

 **spiderson:** i don’t want tony to see

 **birb:** uh why

 **spiderson:** shhh it’s a surprise shhhh

 

_at 3:34 pm_

**_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **starstrangledpanties:** Your toes, hand em’ over.

 **starstrangledpanties:** <) :————)

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** who taught my boyfriend about foot fetishes

 **princessshuri:** that was my bad

 **tchancla:** What are foot fetishes?

 **princessshuri:** well-

 **spiderson:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **irondad:** how do YOU know what foot fetishes are?

 **spiderson:** high school is a dark place

 **irondad:** …

 **blackwidow:** peter

 **spiderson:** yes mamn

 **blackwidow:** who was that boy with you earlier in the common room

 **spiderson:** harry?

 **blackwidow:** yes i saw some very unsettling footage

 **spiderson:** YOU SAW THAT

 **spiderson:** delete it or i will expose you

 **blackwidow:** can’t expose me

 **spiderson:** i’ll pm you all the stuff i know abt you

 

_at 4:00 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **blackwidow:** how did you know all that

 **spiderson:** skills

 **blackwidow:** fine i’ll delete it :((

 

_at 5:30 pm_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Officials Group-chat_

 

 **irondad:** HARRY OSBORN

 **spiderson:** what?

 **irondad:** the one guy you decide to date has a dad that is the founder of the one industry AGAINST US

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:** no

 

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 **_biggay_ ** _is online_

 **_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 **_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 **_tchancla_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** STOP JOINING PLLEASEWM

 

 **_irondad_ ** _added_ **_James Rhodey_ **

 

 **James Rhodey:** Now you add me?

 **spiderson:** hi rhodey

 **James Rhodey:** hi kid

 

_**James Rhodey** changed his name to **tonysbabysitter**_

 

 **irondad:** cold

 **tonysbabysitter:** Cold, but deserved.

 **arrowhead:** wait what’s going on

 **irondad:** peter’s dating a boy

 **spiderson:** ( *｀ω´)

 **spiderson:** thanks to my stupid ass self for saying his name hahahahahah

 

 **_princessshuri_ ** _added_ **_harry potter_ **

 

 **harry potter:** (°_°)

 **spiderson:** i want you to think long and hard about what groupchat you’re in and then wonder why you decided on that to say

 **harry potter:** it fits well!!!

 **spiderson:** it’s dry

 **starstrangledpanties:** Is this the Osborn kid?

 **harry potter:** star strangled panties?

 **starstrangledpanties:** It’s Steve, Steve Rogers.

 **spiderson:** i see what you’re trying to do but no one can take you seriously with your name

 **buckedtoothgal:** that was my bad

 **starstrangledpanties:** I need a reaction image.

 **harry potter:** i got you

 **harry potter:** (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

 **princessshuri:** harry that’s fucking terrifying

 **harry potter:** my bad

 **starstrangledpanties:** (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

 **irondad:** okay let’s get to the matter now shall we

 **spiderson:** no

 **spiderson:** harry’s leaving now right harry

 **harry potter:** but

 **harry potter:** alright

 **harry potter:** bye!!!

 **blackwidow:** goodbye harry

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _kicked_ **_harry potter_ **

 

**spiderson:**

**irondad:**

**blackwidow:** i’m scared what’s going on

 **spiderson:** face off to death :(；ﾞﾟ'ωﾟ'):

 **irondad:** i can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were dating someone

 **spiderson:** we’ve only been dating for like three months

 **irondad:** three months????

 **spiderson:** yes dad

 **spiderson:** i mean tony dad

 **spiderson:** SHIR

 **spiderson:** i’m gone

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is offline_

 

 **arrowhead:** …

 **blackwidow:** tony dad i’m crying

 **tonysbabysitter:** I can confirm Tony is crying too.


	4. Facepalm (?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter needs his adhd meds and tony is exasperated.

_at 12:45 pm_

_**spiderson** is online_

_**(spiderson** >>> **irondad)**_

 

 **spiderson:** tony

 **spiderson:** tony

 **spiderson:** t ony

 **irondad:** yes my son

 **irondad:** are you texting in school????

 **spiderson:** no

 **spiderson:**  yes

 **irondad:** i will slap my face with my hand

 **spiderson:** facepalm (?)

 **irondad:** sure kid

 **spiderson:** can you bring my adhd meds

 **irondad:** i told you to t ake them

 **irondad:** did you not ????????

 **spiderson:** no :(

 **irondad:** alright i’m on my way

 **spiderson:** if you are in a meeting do not ditch

 **irondad:** yeah yeah

 **irondad:** you’re lucky youre my future heir

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:** im your WHAT

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is offline_

 

 **spiderson:** YOU SUCK

 

_at 3:45 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** we need to address the elephant in the room

 **blackwidow:** did you get stabbed again?

 **spiderson:** ugh no

 **spiderson:** it’s a peter problem

 **arrowhead:** i like peter more

 **spiderson:** :(

 **spiderson:** yeah but can peter do this?

 **arrowhead:** what did you do…

 **spiderson:** a backflip

**blackwidow:**

**spiderson:** ANYWAYS

 **spiderson:** so here’s my plan

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** i’m here to listen

 **spiderson:** so i’m tony’s heir MEANING

 **spiderson:** if i kill him i will become the youngest billionaire

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** if you kill me than who’s gonna stop you from doing dumbass shit?

 **spiderson:** wow

 **arrowhead:** i’ll stop him

 **buckedtoothgal:** ^

 **blackwidow:** id KILL for him >:(

 **spiderson:** all of you get some of my fortune

 **spiderson:** mr stark

 **irondad:** i thought we were over the whole mr stark thing

 **spiderson:** excuse me for trying to be polite

 **spiderson:** on a lighter note can i have a billion dollars

 **irondad:** absolutely not

 **spiderson:** >:(((((((

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is offline_

 

_at 2:34 am_

**_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

  _Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **princessshuri:** hey nerds

 **spiderson:** hi shuri

 **princessshuri:** isn’t it 2 am for you

 **spiderson:** bold of you to assume we have time here

 

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 

 **starstrangledpanties:** Peter go to sleep.

 **spiderson:** why are you up???

 **starstrangledpanties:** Uh..

 **spiderson:** was it a nightmare…

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** whew more like a dream ;)))

 **spiderson:** what

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:** wait

 **spiderson:** OH MY GOD EWWE WW

 **spiderson:** I THOUGHT JE WAS WORKING OIT SKMKLWOEKEKEJ

 **princessshuri:** i..am going

 **spiderson:** now i definitely can’t sleep <):-/

 

_at 6:45 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **blackwidow:** i just watched peter stab the table with a straw three times before he realized tony was holding his drink

 **spiderson:** you said you wouldn’t telllll

 **irondad:** did you go to sleep...at all

 **spiderson:** …

 **irondad:** answer me

 **spiderson:** does sleeping for thirty minutes count?

 **irondad:** no peter

 **arrowhead:** why could i hear the exasperation

 **spiderson:** i’m not even tired

 

 **_irondad_ ** _added_ **_Friday_ **

 

 **irondad:** give me his stats fri

 **Friday:** Sir, i’m not allowed, Peter has overridden my “Nap Time” protocol with “Mind Your Own Business, Old Man” protocol.

 **irondad:** i

 **irondad:** how

 **Friday:** I’m not allowed to tell you, considering it’s included in the “Mind Your Own Business, Old Man.” protocol.

 **irondad:** can you at least tell me what’s included in that protocol

 

 **_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 

 **princessshuri:** heyyyy

 **princessshuri:** wait

 **princessshuri:** what’s happening

 **irondad:** peter hacked friday :)

 **princessshuri:** i wanna be proud but you’re a mad dad so i’m scared

 **irondad:** friday???

 **Friday:** Precautions included: Not alerting you when he does not sleep, not alerting you when he does not eat, not alerting you when he gets sick/injured, locking his door so you “do not kill him for what he’s done”.

 **irondad:** great is there anyway i can override it?

 **Friday:** You could use your “Peter’s too smart for his own good” protocol.

 **arrowhead:** this is too good

 **irondad:** great do that

 **Friday:** But, sir.

 **irondad:** oh god what

 **Friday:** Peter made another protocol that overrides that one.

 **irondad:** what is it called

 **Friday:** “Just in case”.

 **irondad:** guess i get to hack into my own system

 **princessshuri:** isn’t that just called fixing...

 **irondad:** hacking sounds cooler

 **princessshuri:** are you 13?

 **irondad:** man i wish

 

_at 3:45 am_

**_Friday_ ** _is online_

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 **_birb_ ** _is online_

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** why is everyone online at the same time?????

 **buckedtoothgal:** we got the notification for friday being online and wanted to see what you said

 **irondad:** really bruce???

 **drbanner:** I’m curious.

 

 **_tonysbabysitter_ ** _is online_

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Is he about to dad?

 **blackwidow:** yes

 **tonysbabysitter:** Cool.

 **irondad:** oi ok

 **irondad:** friday give me peter’s stats

 **Friday:** I’m not sure how to put this, boss…

 **birb:** uh

 **irondad:** go ahead and tell me fri

 **Friday:** Peter is not in the tower anymore, he left two hours ago.

 **irondad:** what???? did anyone see him leave

 **starstrangledpanties:** No.

 **arrowhead:** nope

 **irondad:** can you track his suit??? his backpack???

 **tonysbabysitter:** You put a tracker on the kid’s backpack???

 **irondad:** he always loses them!!!!

 **princessshuri:** d a d

 **Friday:** Boss, he is not in his suit and his backpack is not with him. I’m sorry, I’m not sure where he is. He snuck out the window at 1:12 a.m.

 **irondad:** i’m gonna kill him :)

 **arrowhead:** don’t worry yourself to death teens do this type of stuff all the time

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** ok wtf friday im in the laundry room

 **Friday:** But, Peter.

 **spiderson:** when i said distract him i didn’t mean give him a heart attack

 **irondad:** distract me from what????

 **spiderson:**...nothing

 **Friday:** Peter is trying to hack into my mainframe to add more protocols, so you can’t see his stats.

 **spiderson:** snitch

 **irondad:** what are his stats friday

 **Friday:** Peter Parker has not slept in nineteen hours. Pulse: 95 BPM. Temperature: 99.6. He has been jolting himself awake the entire time I’ve been writing stats.

 **irondad:** peter for the love of god just sleep

 **spiderson:** sleep is for the weak >:(

 **irondad:** no

 **irondad:** i will watch a movie with you or i will aggressively tuck you into bed. go ahead and pick.

 **spiderson:** movie:(

 **spiderson:** but we’re watching coco

 **irondad:** not like you’re gonna stay awake to see most of it anyways but sure kiddo

 **spiderson:** i’m deeply offended that you don’t think i can keep awake during a movie

 **irondad:** you never can it’s your Kryptonite

 **spiderson:** no it’s cause you always play with my hair you cheat

 **spiderson:** challenge accepted

 **irondad:** NO i’m not challenging you i’m actually getting you to sleep

 **irondad:** i swear to god peter

 **spiderson:** you’re no fun i’m on my way to the living room   



	5. “Peter Benjamin Parker”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shits going down lol

_at 4:45 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** does anyone have a pottermore account

 **princessshuri:** i do

 **spiderson:** what r u

 **princessshuri:** ravenclaw :)

 

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** what’s...pottermore?

 **spiderson:** GASP

 **spiderson:** have you heard of the harry potter books

 **buckedtoothgal:** yeah steve reads them at night

 

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 

 **starstrangledpanties:** Don’t expose me.

 **buckedtoothgal:** ok babe

 **spiderson:** bucky would be...slytherin no doubt

 **starstrangledpanties:** I wholeheartedly agree.

 **starstrangledpanties:** What’s your house?

 **spiderson:** hufflepuff

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** of course it is kid

 **spiderson:** what’s that supposed to mean >:(

 **irondad:** nothing :)

 **spiderson:** …

 **irondad:** i’m a slytherin too if anyone cares

 

 **_biggay_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** hi thor!!!

 **biggay:** hello peter!!!

 **spiderson:** what house are you in?

 **biggay:** let me ask banner

 

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 

 **drbanner:** he’s a hufflepuff for sure

 **drbanner:** i’m a ravenclaw

 **biggay:** peter,,,we are in the same house!!!

 **spiderson:** yayayaya

 **princessshuri:** pure

 

_at 8:34 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

  _Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** you know what’s funny

 **irondad:** that you’re texting in class this early in the morning?

 **spiderson:** i have a free period dad

 **irondad:** ok well what’s funny

 **spiderson:** idk i just wanted to start a convo

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 

 **blackwidow:** richard is a dumb name

 **spiderson:** uh why

 **arrowhead:** someone named richard scratched her car

 **spiderson:** my dad’s name was richard

 **buckedtoothgal:** no it’s tony

 **buckedtoothgal:** OH

 **spiderson:** and look what happened to him lol

 **irondad:** STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT YOUR DEAD PARENTS

 **spiderson:** never

 **irondad:** well i oughta

 **_spiderson_ ** _liked_ **_irondad’s_ ** _message_

 

_at 3:34 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** i just got denied to go into a movie...cause i looked too young

 **spiderson:** IM 16 dndndidhjjdjejsjsidje

 **princessshuri:** wtf is a thirteen y/o doing in our chat???

 **spiderson:** stop :’(

 **princessshuri:** >:)

 **irondad:** baby face!!!

 **spiderson:** :(

 **spiderson:** *:’(

 **spiderson:** if y’all don’t stop bullying me i’m gonna make an impulsive decision and cut all my hair off

 **princessshuri:** bet

 **princessshuri:** wait

 **_princessshuri_ ** _screenshotted_ **_spiderson’s_ ** _message_

 **irondad:** don’t let scissors get an inch close to your hair or i swear to god parker

 

_at 4:00 pm_

**_princessshuri_ ** _is online at_

_geeks + nerds_

 

**princessshuri:**

**_spiderson:_ ** _if y’all don’t stop bullying me i’m gonna make an impulsive decision and cut all my hair off_

 **harry potter:** peter parker if you do that i will e n d you

 **spiderson:** yay!

 **harry potter:** no you’re not supposed to be happy

 **spiderson:** bet lmao

 

 **_harry potter_ ** _changed his name to_ **_exasperated_ **

 

 **spiderson:** it’s cute that you like my hair but i can’t see past my eyes

 **exasperated:** JUST TRIM IT I BEG YOU

 **mj:** ur hair is a cute kind of curly

 **mj:** curly sue :’)

 **spiderson:** fine i’ll trim it

 **exasperated:** yayyy xxxx

 **spiderson:** _

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is offline_

  


_at 4:46 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 _[_ **_irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson_ ** _]_

 **_irondad_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ ** _..._

 

**_call declined._ **

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ ** _..._

 

**_call declined._ **

 

 **irondad:** kid I told you to call me when something like this happens, your heart rate is way too high

 **irondad:** i’m not mad just worried

 **irondad:** peter?

 **irondad:** Peter Benjamin Parker

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is offline_

 

_at 5:03 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** has anyone seen peter?

 **arrowhead:** why are you up so early?

 **blackwidow:** why are _you_ up so early?

 **arrowhead:** why are _you_ up so early?

 **irondad:** i’m serious. I got an alert on my phone at 4:46 am, that peters pulse was high.

 **arrowhead:** i haven’t seen him since yesterday

 **blackwidow:** i saw him at midnight when he got back from patrol

 **irondad:** did something happen?

 **blackwidow:** i was kinda in the shadows

 **blackwidow:** he looked shaky

 **irondad:** okay, thank you

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is offline_

 

_at 5:05 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 _[_ **_irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson_ ** _]_

 **_irondad_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ ** _…_

 

**_call declined._ **

 

 **irondad:** please answer  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> left u on a cliffhanger >:)


	6. “Please leave me the **** alone.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> irondad: Peter please answer me  
> irondad: peter.

_at 6:34 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 _[_ **_spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad_ ** _]_

 

 **spiderson:** i’m ok

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** are you okay??? are you hurt???

 **spiderson:** no, i’m okay

 **irondad:** peter

 **irondad:** if somethings going on, you have to tell me

 **irondad:** when you don’t call me for hours i worry

 **spiderson:** can i tell you later please

 **irondad:** sure kiddo, i’m just glad you’re safe

 **irondad:** love you

 **spiderson:** love you too

 

_at 7:00 am_

**_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

  _Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** is peter okay?

 **irondad:** yeah he’s fine, i think, he’s gonna call me later though

 **blackwidow:** good

 **princessshuri:** it’s weird without peter here…

 **arrowhead:** i know it’s quiet and sad :-(

 **arrowhead:** on a lighter note, this be fury: >.(

 **_irondad, blackwidow, buckedtoothgal, starstrangledpanties, birb, and princessshuri_ ** _liked_ **_arrowhead’s_ ** _message_

 

_at 9:45 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 _[_ **_spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad_ ** _]_

 **_spiderson_ ** _is ringing_ **_irondad_ ** _…_

 

**_call accepted._ **

 

“Hey, Pete.”

“Hi, sorry for missing your calls.” (a sniffle)

“It’s okay, kid don’t sweat. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Ben’s death anniversary.”

“ _Oh._ ”

“—And yesterday when I was patrolling, I saw this guy mugging this girl. I didn’t know he had a gun Tony, if I did I would’ve been more careful. I thought he had no weapons and—”

“ _Whoa_ , slow down kiddo. Take a deep breath, you know that anything that happens on patrol isn’t your fault, right?”

(a sob) “She _died_ and I didn’t do anything Tony. I just stood there like an idiot. I’m so stupid, I’m supposed to be a hero—”

“Peter.”

“—I watched her _bleed out._ Just like Uncle Ben, it was the same thing. I promised her that someone would be there in time, but when the ambulance came they found no pulse. And I _stood_ there! It was all my fault, all my—”

“Peter. It was _not_ your fault, okay? How were you supposed to know the guy had a gun on him? You’re not psychic and i’m certainly not going to let you carry the burden of your uncle’s death and her’s on _yourself._ It wasn’t your fault, I want you to repeat it. Okay?”

“But—”

“Kid.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“Good, now you’re going to come over to the tower and we’re gonna watch a movie whether you like it or not.”

(a laugh) “Okay.”

“I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Okay, Tony, love you.”

“Love you too, bud.”

 

 **_call ended at_ ** _10:00 am_

 

_at 11:56 am_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_[blackwidow_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

 

 **blackwidow:** is the kid okay??

 **irondad:** i don’t know nat, he’s trying to act fine but yesterday he didn’t save this girl getting mugged

 **irondad:** and she died

 **blackwidow:** oh.

 **blackwidow:** did he call you???

 **irondad:** yes, it’s also his uncles death anniversary so there’s that

 **blackwidow:** hey don’t work yourself over it, i’m sure Peter is going to be fine

 **blackwidow:** he always is eventually

 **irondad:** i don’t know…

 **irondad:** he’s been kind of distant

 **irondad:** even before this whole incident

 **blackwidow:** i can call him if you want?

 **blackwidow:** you know since he tries to hide stuff from you

 **blackwidow:** so you don’t worry yourself to death…

 **irondad:** he doesn’t do that

 **irondad:** _oh my god_

 **irondad:** he does that

 **blackwidow:** i’ll call him

 

_at 12:05 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_[blackwidow_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

**_blackwidow_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

 

**_call declined._ **

 

 **blackwidow:** peter please answer

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

 

**_call declined._ **

 

 **blackwidow:** peter you better not be watching the phone ring or so help me

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

 

**_call accepted._ **

 

“ _Peter_.”

“Natasha.”

“Why did you watch the phone ring?”

“I didn’t.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” (a huff from Peter.) “And I’m a spy so of course I would detect that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What’s going on with you? You can talk to me, you know.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, you haven’t been talking to us about what’s going on.”

“Who’s us?”

“Me, Tony, Bucky, basically all the avengers.”

“You’re not my parents, you know? So why do you guys pry so much.”

“ _Whoa_ , Pete. We care.”

“That’s a dumb reason.”

“паук [pauk], you don’t have to snap, okay? I’m just...worried.”

“Yeah, so is everyone else apparently since no one will leave me the fuck _alone._ ”

 

**_call ended._ **

 

_at 1:34 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_[blackwidow_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

 

 **blackwidow:** i called him.

 **irondad:** and?

 **blackwidow:** he hung up on me mid-conversation.

 **irondad:** what?

 **irondad:** peter parker did that?

 **blackwidow:** yeah.

 **blackwidow:** something really wrong, and if i can’t get to him than i think you’re the only one who will.

 **blackwidow:** or May

 **irondad:** he doesn’t like worrying may

 **irondad:** how did the conversation go?

 **blackwidow:** really bad.

 

_at 2:00 pm_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

 

 **irondad:** hey kiddo.

 **irondad:** i know you’re going through some serious shit, but i just wanted to let you know that i’m here for you.

 **irondad:** i love you kid.

 **irondad:** a lot

_read at 2:03 pm_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t posted in a week, I went to philly and maryland for spring break, but now I’m back! I can’t decide on to make next chapter more angsty or lighter, but i think i’m gonna go for the worse option. Sorry :)


	7. “Love you, kiddo.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: sexual assault (mentioned)
> 
> blackwidow: okay, we worry about you, you know?  
> spiderson: i know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that concludes the angst!

 

_at 5:00 am_

**_Karen_ ** _is online_

 **_[Karen_ ** _ >>> _ **_harley]_ **

**Karen:** Hello, Harley.

 **harley:**...hello?????

 **Karen:** I am Peter’s AI, he has requested for me to “only text, because calling is for old people.”

 **harley:** what’s wrong? what happened?

 **Karen:** He has a concussion and is on 24th street. He has overridden my protocols to contact Tony.

 **harley:** dammit parker

 **harley:** why did he do that?

 **Karen:** I’m not sure. Although, he did stop talking to Tony for a week, because of his nightmares and panic attack’s.

 **Karen:** I would tell you more, but Peter’s health is reaching critical.

 **harley:** oh shit okay

 **harley:** i’m telling tony, ok pete DONT SLEEP

 **Karen:** He has requested for you to not tell Tony.

 **harley:** tell him i don’t care

 **harley:** tony is on his way

**_Karen_ ** _is offline_

***

Tony landed next to a limp body only he could recognize as Peter. The boy, slumped against a fairly large dumpster, didn’t even give any sort of indicator that he knew Tony was there.

The older approached Peter gently, looking around to make sure it was just them. Slowly, he removed his mask, careful not to jostle any open head wounds, and watched as the kid’s eyes squinted awake only slightly.

“Hey, kiddo.” Tony whispered. “I was expecting _you_ to call me, not Harley. You nearly gave him a heart attack.” He reached to check under his curls, but Peter flinched away, his reaction time slow and delayed. Tony moved back a little, just so Peter could see his face and wiggled his hands.

“Just gonna check how bad it is.” He was hurt that Peter was scared of him, but judging by how big his pupils were, figured his kid didn’t recognize him. “ _We’ve done this before,_ you know how it goes. It will only hurt for a second.” Tony hated that this has happened before, more than once.

Peter nodded slowly, looking conflicted as Tony gradually put his fingers under the boy’s hair. He felt around and it was smooth before he felt a concerningly large bump on the back of his skull. Peter immediately moved away, crying out in pain as his eyes watered. Tony winced in sympathy, “Sorry, bud.”

The kid needed a cat scan, an IV, and some well-needed rest.

Tony grabbed Peter’s hand waiting for the kid to look, and squeezed in comfort. “I’m going to call Bruce, okay?” Peter didn’t move or say anything, eyes almost fluttering shut in exhaustion. “You can’t sleep yet, try to stay awake. I know it’s hard, but you can do it.”

Peter looked like he was going to cry so Tony changed the subject stroking his thumb over Peter’s temple as Friday ringed Bruce about the situation.

“Anything interesting happen this week? You go to a movie?” Peter blinked, making Tony’s heart ache.

It took a few, long seconds but eventually Peter answered. “No good movies.” Tony chuckled, looking at his watch. Bruce would be here soon, he was originally  going to fly him to the med-bay, but he was afraid he would make Peter’s head injury worse. He wouldn’t take that risk. Especially with Peter.

“I got something to tell you.” Peter murmured, clutching Tony’s wrist. “‘s bad, though. ‘on’t want you to get mad.”

Tony swallowed. “I won’t get mad.” Peter looked satisfied, Tony could hear sirens coming closer.

“I got suspended.”

The ambulance was already there before Tony could respond.

***

_at 6:34 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_mayparker]_ **

**_irondad_ ** _is ringing_ **_mayparker_ **

**_call accepted._ **

“Hey, May.”

“Hello, Tony. What’s up?”

“I figured you didn’t hear about this morning.”

“No, I did not. Did something happen?”

“Peter cracked his skull open.”

“ _What?”_

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called you sooner, but I was busy stapling our kid’s head back together.”

(a sigh) “Did he call you? Was this when he was spider-man?”

“Yeah, May. He didn’t call me, Karen texted Harley who then called _me_ in a blind panic.”

“Oh my god, he always calls you.”

(a irritated huff) “He’s been ignoring my calls and texts, and when the ambulance was arriving he admitted to being suspended. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-I’m sorry, Tony. Peter was really afraid to tell you about it, because he didn’t want you to be disappointed in him. He’s only suspended for three days, but to him I feel like he’s think he’s done a crime. And it was Ben’s death anniversary yesterday, so he has been slacking. You already know how Ben died, yes?”

“Kiddo only told me he’s been shot, nothing else. I didn’t press.”

“Peter was there. At the scene, trying to press the gunshot wound to keep his uncle alive.” (a sigh) “He was only fourteen, Tony.”

“ _Oh._ ”

“Mhm, I’m worried. He’s been locking himself in his room and not eating. Sometimes he sneaks out at midnight or three am, and he comes back with these terrible dark circles.” (a sniffle)

“I think it’s something deeper than Ben’s death.”

“Me too, but he always likes to assure me he’s fine. He’s a _terrible_ liar.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Try to get something out of him, even if it’s small. Bye, Tony.”

“Bye, May.”

**_call ended._ **

_at 8:45 am_

**_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection_

**buckedtoothgal:** i feel like 90% of our convos are about peter, but how is the kid?

 **birb:** that’s kinda the point of this group chat

 **buckedtoothgal:** shut up sam

 **blackwidow:** i’m in the medbay right now, peter is still sleeping

 **irondad:** kid got a nasty concussion

 **irondad:** but he has advanced healing so it should be healed by tomorrow

 **buckedtoothgal:** good

 **princessshuri:** i know he hasn’t been texting literally any of you guys, but he texts me every hour he gets the chance

 **princessshuri:** this guy broke out of prison and he’s been trying to catch him for like a week straight

 **princessshuri:** i’ve done all my research

 **irondad:** is it the vulture cause i can take him down in a second

 **princessshuri:** no, i think it’s someone named Steven Westcott

 **blackwidow:** _who_

 **princessshuri:** i don’t know the only thing i know is his name

 **buckedtoothgal:** whoever it is, probably did something really bad to get Peter’s attention.

  


_at 11:34 am_

**_465-234-1233_ ** _is online_

 **_[465-234-1233_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

**_465-234-1233_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

**_call accepted._ **

“Hello?”

“Hi, Pete you sound so much _better_ on the phone.”

“Fuck, no.”

“How old are you now? 14? 15?”

“ _Fuck_ you. I’m not telling you.”

“Wow, buy me dinner first, Einstein.”

“ _Don’t call me that_.”

“I can do whatever I want.”

“Sure you can, Steven.”

“ _Whoa!_ We’re back to first names again?”

“How did you get my number?”

“I have my ways.”

“What do you want?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Yeah well here it is, don’t call me again. I’m blocking you.”

“What?!? No, Pete don’t do this! Don’t—”

**_call ended._ **

**_spiderson_ ** _blocked_ **_465-234-1233_ **

_at 11:40 am_

**_Karen_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection_

**buckedtoothgal:** whos karen???

 **irondad:** shes spider-man’s AI, the biggest snitch i know so i added her

 **blackwidow:** hm

 **Karen:** Mr. Stark, I’m afraid Peter is having a panic attack and is at risk of ripping his staples.

 **birb:** oh wow, she didnt even hesitate

 **starstrangledpanties:** I just saw Tony fully sprint to Peter’s room.

**_the next day…_ **

_at 3:45 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection_

**blackwidow:** guys

 **blackwidow:** did you see the news or twitter

 **buckedtoothgal:** no

 **starstrangledpanties:** No, what happened?

 **blackwidow:** _http:spider-manbeatsupbadguy.youtube/12344_

[video transcript; Spider-man tackles a man with white hair, and a loose jersey on, a banner pops up with sliding words in bold font “ **Steven Westcott, seen after escaping from prison** ”. Once Spider-man tackles him, he punches him in the face and doesn’t stop until the man is begging. The viligante stands up, webs the man to the floor and swings away]

 **birb:** Peter wouldn’t do something like this.

 **birb:** would he?

 **blackwidow:** no he’s not one to keep hitting the villain once catching them

 **buckedtoothgal:** yeah usually he just webs them up for the cops

 **starstrangledpanties:** Maybe this guy did something personal.

 **blackwidow:** his hands were shaking.

 **blackwidow:** where do you think he is now?

**_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

**princessshuri:** he just texted me

**princessshuri:**

_[screenshot:_

**_spiderson:_ ** _shuri_

 **_spiderson:_ ** _i bet you saw the news huh_

 **_princessshuri:_ ** _yeah i did on youtube_

 **_princessshuri:_ ** _are you okay? what happened?_

 **_spiderson:_ ** _it’s kinda personal, i’ll call you_

 **_princessshuri:_ ** _okay pete_.]

 **blackwidow:** get back to us after the call

 **princessshuri:** ok i’ll try

_at 4:00 pm_

**_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 **_[princessshuri_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

**_princessshuri_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

**_call accepted._ **

“Hi, Shuri.”

“Peter, what happened?”

“That man, I-I knew him from when I was younger—”

“Yeah, Pete, I figured. What about him?”

“He sexually assaulted me.”

“ _Peter.”_

“He was my babysitter and my _friend_ . I fucking trusted him, but one day he brought these magazines with him. I was only thirteen Shuri, and he _used_ me.”

“Was this why you were so determined to catch him?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, does Tony know?”

“No.” (a sigh) “I’m thinking about calling him tonight, you and Harry are the only ones that know.”

“Okay, Pete, I love you. Take your time. Bye.”

“Love you too, bye.”

**_call ended._ **

_at 4:35 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

**_spiderson_ ** _is ringing_ **_irondad_ **

**_call accepted._ **

“Hey, kid. I was just thinking about calling you.”

“Hi Tony, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s okay, Pete. I’m not mad, are you gonna tell me why you didn’t call me?”

“Did you see the news?”

“Yeah, basically everyone did bud.”

“That man, Steven Westcott. He did something bad to me.”

(an inhale) “What did he do?”

“When I was younger, he was my babysitter. And he uh sexually assaulted me.”

“He did _what?_ ”

“That’s why he was arrested.”

“I’m gonna kill a man.”

“Please don’t.”

“Peter, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I was afraid you would...look at me different.”

“ _Oh_ , Peter. I never would’ve. Never.”

“Oh okay.” (a sigh of relief) “Okay.”

“Come over, were all worrying about you. Even Sam, surprisingly.” _There was a ‘hey!’ in the background._

“Okay, don’t tell anyone about this please?”

“Course, kid. Does May know?”

“Yeah, yeah she’s known for awhile.”

“Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you more.”

“Yeah, right.”

**_call ended._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be fluffier i cross my heart and hope to die...


	8. iroba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i roba: IROBA?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s up, this update took like a week cause i kept scrapping my old group-chats oop-

_at 3:45 pm_

**_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **princessshuri:** i was on skype with peter and he got takeout and was finishing with a fortune cookie and when he opened it, it crumpled everywhere and he just straight up ate it off the floor

 **arrowhead:** tragic

 **spiderson:** it was gøōd mmm mmmm mmmm

 **spiderson:** also on a darker note i am failing english

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **arrowhead:** that is terrifying that he came as soon as you mentioned school

 **spiderson:** yeah he does this a lot.

 **irondad:** what do you have in english peter

 **spiderson:** uh a c-

 **irondad:** i’m a what no peter

 **tonysbabysitter:** His brain is short-circuiting. Good job, Pete ✌️

 **spiderson:** thank

 **spiderson:** also let me explain okay

 **irondad:** go ahead

 **spiderson:** so my english teacher mr samson hates you like HATES you and he asked us to write about a superhero that inspires us and i said iron man obvi but he loves captain america more than he loves his wife, right? so i said that in civil war captain america’s side was not understanding, and basically he gave me a D for defending you. -and since it’s the beginning of a semester it dropped easily :)

 **irondad:** i appreciate and love you for that but if it’s for your grade please don’t risk it

 **spiderson:** too late #yolo

 **irondad:** sigh

 **princessshuri:** did anyone say you?

 **spiderson:** yeah like six people

 **spiderson:** i’m humble 🥰

 **princessshuri:** did they get f’s

 **spiderson:** rude and no

 **spiderson:** also i forgot to mention that mr samson actually really loves spider-man…

 **spiderson:** which is awkward for me haha

 **irondad:** why didn’t you just...write about yourself

 **spiderson:** that’s narcissistic mr stark

 **spiderson:** *tony

 **spiderson:** also harry already wrote about me anyways

 **princessshuri:** i knew that, because he shared the google doc with our whole group except you

 **spiderson:** rude :((

 **irondad:** i would write about myself

 **tonysbabysitter:** We know.

 **spiderson:** we know

 **blackwidow:** we know, tony…

 **irondad:** the fact that you all sent that at the same time makes me sad

 **spiderson:** sorry dad

 **spiderson:** is harley over i want to punch him

 **irondad:** what why

 **spiderson:** can you add him please

 **irondad:** can’t you?

 **spiderson:** i’m patrolling my dude

 **irondad:** on a sunday? alright

 

 **_irondad_ ** _added_ **_harley_ **

 

 **spiderson:** i saw a yellow car!

 **spiderson:** you know what that means >:(

 **harley:** peter no

 **harley:** peterrer

 **spiderson:** peter yes

 **irondad:** please do not punch each other

 **spiderson:** >:(

 

_at 4:05 am_

**_harley_ ** _is online_

 

 **harley:** y’all forgot to kick me

 **spiderson:** why did you remind us dumass

 **harley:** dumbass with no b…

 **spiderson:** that’s how it’s pronounced

 **harley:** ok valid ig

 **spiderson:** your name is so boring ugh can’t relate

 **harley:** fine

 

 **_harley_ ** _changed their name to_ **_tonysfav_ **

 

**spiderson:**

**tonysfav:** 👀

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _kicked_ **_tonysfav_ **

 

_at 7:45 am_

**_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **starstrangledpanties:** Peter.

 **starstrangledpanties:** Okay, I thought he would come online for that, but I got ignored. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **princessshuri:** i mean you learned how to use emotes just not in the right context…

 **starstrangledpanties:** ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

 **princessshuri:** why are you even asking for him anyways

 **starstrangledpanties:** I need to learn how to set up a twitter, because Tony is bothering me about it.

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** why didn’t you just ask me then

 **starstrangledpanties:** You get...frustrated too easy.

 **irondad:** okay #rude

 

_at 2:34 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **spiderson:** why were you guys up so early

 **tonysbabysitter:** Kid, you just woke up???

 **spiderson:** i didn’t say that

 **tonysbabysitter:** You implied it.

 **spiderson:** no i did not mister

 **tonysbabysitter:** 👀

 **spiders on:** uh

 **spider.  son:** help my username

 **princessshuri:** wtf

 **spid.      dêr:** please

 **s p îde:** oh no

 **śpedo:** i know who’s doing this

 **blackwidow:** what is happening

 **arrowhead:** idk his username is acting up

 **s pi:** wow thanks for caring

 **ś:** i may die after it runs out of letters idk

 **irondad:** uh kid

 **:** yes

 **:** oh i’m fine

 

 **_mj_ ** _added_ **_mj_ ** _and_ **_ned_ **

 

 **mj:** why did you think you were going to die idiot

 **spiderson:** ITS BACK TO NORMAL

 **princessshuri:** stupid.

 

 **_mj_ ** _changed their name to_ **_mamajones_ **

 

 **spiders on:** oh no not again

 **mamajones:** sorry maybe Ned should say something and it wouldn’t act up

 **ned:** something

 **mamajones:** Haha.

 **irondad:** ok kid let’s talk about your sleeping habits now

 **spiderson:** oh look at the time

 **iron dad:** no

 **iroñdá:** um

 **i röba:** IROBA?

 **spiderson:** lol

 **ïÈondnsns:** ok really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions, comments, concerns? -tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	9. Fire! FIRE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen: Peter seems to be in a burning building, helping people out. The building is set to collapse in Five minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn’t whump lol

_at 3:04 am_

**_Karen_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **Karen:** Mr. Stark?

 

 **_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 **_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** so i finally got peter to call me tony but his freaking ai still calls me mr stark?

 **irondad:** the disrespect

 **arrowhead:** sucks for u

 **blackwidow:** why is karen asking for you anyways

 **irondad:** what’s up karen

 **Karen:** I’m afraid Peter will need some backup on 75th street

 **irondad:** what’s going on down there?

 **irondad:** i’m on my way

 **buckedtoothgal:** isn’t there a...fire going on

 **Karen:** Yes, Mr. Barnes

 **buckedtoothgal:** call me bucky pls

 **Karen:** Peter has ordered me to address you politely.

 **blackwidow:** that’s so cute i’m crying

 **Karen:** Mr. Stark, Peter is having a hard time getting everyone out. The building is on a verge of collapsing, he will not be able to hold it up for a long time.

 **irondad:** okay karen tell him i’m three minutes away

 **Karen:** Okay, I have alerted Peter.

 **irondad:** what are his stats

 **Karen:** Peter’s heart rate is 122 beats per minute, since he is breathing in smoke his breath is short and wheezy.

 **Karen:** Building set to collapse in one minute and four seconds

 **irondad:** i’m here what floor is he on

 **Karen:** 13, there are five people left in the building.

 **irondad:** okay pull the comms through please

 **buckedtoothgal:** tell me when y’all are home and safe

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 

 **drbanner:** I will set up the medbay, just in case.

 

_[Comms]_

 

FRIDAY (distinct): —Now connected with Peter’s mask.

TONY: Thanks girl, hey Pete. What are your orders?

PETER (coughing): There’s a mom...a mom and her two daughters on the fifth floor. On the balcony, can you get them? I just have this couple and then we’re all good.

TONY (worry in his voice): Okay. I’m on my way, you’re good right? Or for now, the smoke can’t be good for your lungs, right? I can hear your wheezes so don’t lie—

PETER (breathy laugh): For now, i’m okay. Just focus on the family, please.

TONY: Okay, _boss_.

(There’s silence before a thud followed by rattling coughs)

TONY: You good, kiddo?

(Nothing follows up, in fact the sound of coughing seems to intensify.)

TONY: Okay, _okay_ , bambi. Follow my breathing i’m coming to get you, then we’re going to take you to the med-bay. (under breath) Thank god he set it up already.

PETER (gasping as another cough strikes): I—can’t...breathe.

TONY: I know, just hold on.

 

_at 4:30 am_

**_drbanner_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection_

 

 **drbanner:** Peter’s all good.

 **blackwidow:** oh thank god

 **buckedtoothgal:** jesus he gets in trouble like every other day

 **drbanner:** [photo of Tony asleep in a chair next to Peter’s bed in the med-bay, Tony is holding Peter’s hand :) and there’s an oxygen mask on Peter’s face.]

 **princessshuri:** awww

 **arrowhead:** karen???

 **Karen:** Yes, Mr. Barton?

 **arrowhead:** can i change your groupchat name

 **Karen:** Hm, since Peter usually controls me...I’m sure he wouldn’t mind doing it for you.

 **Karen:** —But it will be our own little secret, yes?

 **arrowhead:** ok karen

 

 **_arrowhead_ ** _changed_ **_Karen’s_ ** _name to_ **_planktonsgf_ **

 

 **planktonsgf:** Good one, Mr. Barton.

 **blackwidow:** why are you not as sassy as friday

 **planktonsgf:** Good question! Mr. Stark set me up to be as gentle as possible, considering he didn’t like the idea of Peter having a banter between him and his AI! Me and Peter are obviously nicer than Mr. Stark and Friday.

 **planktonsgf:** Although Peter has ordered me to at least sass some specific people.

 

 **_birb_ ** _is online_

 

 **birb:** and who would that be?

 **planktonsgf:** Mind your own business!

 **arrowhead:** LMAO

 **blackwidow:** also we just figured out tony has a soft spot

 **princessshuri:** uh we been knew!

  


_at 4:34 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

**_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** karen

 

 **_planktonsgf_ ** _is online_

 

 **spiderson:** …what’s up with your name

 **planktonsgf:** Mr. Barton changed it! Would you like to fix it up?

 **spiderson:** yeah go back to karen, but with a smiley face

 **spiderson:** this is unsettling

 

 **_planktonsgf_ ** _changed their name to_ **_Karen:)_ **

 

 **spiderson:** don’t take any direct orders from anyone except me

 **Karen:):** —And Tony Stark?

 **spiderson:** and tony stark.

 **arrowhead:** >:(

 **spiderson:** >:)

 **arrowhead:** #rude

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is offline_

 

_at 5:00 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_hairy]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** what’s up fucking loser

 

 **_hairy_ ** _is online_

 

 **hairy:** hey b how u feeling

 **spiderson:** i mean my chest doesn’t hurt that much anymore ig

 **spiderson:** did you do the chemistry hw

 **hairy:** you’re still going to.… school ?

 **spiderson:** …………yes

 **hairy:** sigh [chemistryhw.pdf]

 **spiderson:** thanks love u <3

 **hairy:** love you more!

 **spiderson:** smooch

 **hairy:** smooch x2

 

_at 6:30 pm_

**_blackwidow_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **blackwidow:** [photo of nine-year old Peter holding a iron-man helmet and smiling.]

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_starstrangledpanties_ ** _is online_

 **_arrowhead_ ** _is online_

 **_birb_ ** _is online_

 **_princessshuri_ ** _is online_

 **_drbanner_ ** _is online_

 **_biggay_ ** _is online_

 **_buckedtoothgal_ ** _is online_

 

 **irondad:** im gonna cry thank you nat

 **princessshuri:** his glasses aw

 **princessshuri:** man peter you got beefed my dude

 **spiderson:** …

 **spiderson:** thank you?

 **irondad:** i have more, let me just text may

 **spiderson:** do you text may on a daily basis

 **irondad:** …yes

 **buckedtoothgal:** show us more

 **irondad:** [Peter is hugging Ben in this one, he looks about six and he’s smiling so wide it physically hurts.]

 

 **_Karen:)_ ** _is online_

 

 **Karen:):** Mr. Stark, Peter appears to be in distress.

 **spiderson:** they’re happy tears! snitch!

 **blackwidow:** awwww are you crying

 **spiderson:** ,,,,,,no

 **irondad:** happy tears?

 **spiderson:** ok some are sad

 **spiderson:** shut up

 **irondad:** whoa

 **spiderson:** >:(

 

_at 7:30 pm_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

**_irondad_ ** _is ringing_ **_spiderson_ **

 

“Hi, Tony!”

“Hey, _cucciolo_ , just thought you should know i scheduled your wisdom teeth removal with Bruce.”

“No—”

“Yes, you know you have to do this.”

“No I don’t.”

(a laugh) “Yes you do, I see you wince when you eat food.”

“Tonyyyy—”

“Peterrrr.”

(a huff.)

“Come on, Pete. You won’t even be awake of it, plus we made anesthesia for your metabolism.”

“It doesn’t even hurt that much.”

“Hm, so explain why you’re wincing right now.”

“You’re watching me?” (a gasp) “How dare you!”

“Kid, were going no buts or objections.”

“I’m really mad at you right—” (gasp of pain) “right now.”

“You okay, bambi?”

“You suck.”

“What do you mean?”

“Stop calling me cute little nicknames when i’m gonna have the worst weekend of my life!”

“ _Bambino_ —”

“ _Vecchio uomo—_ ”

(chuckle) “Okay think about this, _Peter,_ if you get your wisdom teeth removed you’ll be in less pain than right now.”

“You know I hate surgeries.”

“Yes, I am fully aware.”

“Ugh, bye.”

“Love you.”

“…”

“Say it back!”

“Fine. You too.”

“How dare you have the audacity—”

 

_call ended._

 

 **irondad:** >:(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be so fun for me to write, this is probably the best/funnest (?) stories i’ve ever written. I love the banter, etc.  
> Here are the Italian transitions (correct me if i’m wrong.)  
> Bambino: Kid, child, baby  
> Cucciolo: puppy :)  
> Vecchio uomo: Old man


	10. Wisdom Teeth Removal (GONE WRONG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TONY: (Tony’s smile falters. Harley makes a choking sound from behind the camera.) What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I had to erase this chapter three times before I like the final product. Also I still have a week left of school, end me.

_At 12:34 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_petersbabysitter]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** i did something bad

 **spiderson:** please don’t tell tony

 **petersbabysitter:** what? what’s happening are you okay?

 **petersbabysitter:** Peter?

 **petersbabysitter:** pete???

  


_at 1:00 am_

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _is online_

 **_[petersbabysitter_ ** _ >>> _ **_Karen:)]_ **

 

 **petersbabysitter:** Karen.

 **Karen:):** Hello Harley, is this in regards to Peter’s injury?

 **petersbabysitter:** HES INJURED?

 **Karen:):** Majorly!

 **petersbabysitter:** connect me to his suit, please

 **Karen:):** On it!

 

 **_Karen_ ** _is ringing_ **_petersbabysitter_ **

**_Call accepted._ **

 

“Oh, _thank god_. Peter?”

(A choked off sob) “—Harley? Tony’s gonna be mad, he’s going to be _so mad_.”

“What’s happening? Are you injured?”

“No—yes, I didn’t mean to—” (another sob) “I didn’t mean to, _I swear._ ”

(Gentler) “Pete, explain to me what’s happening. I don’t want to have to ask Karen.”

“I— _fuck_ —I got stabbed.”

“You got _what?_ I’m calling Tony—”

“No, no, no...don’t please—”

“Karen send Peter’s stats to Tony.”

KAREN: “Right away, Harley!”

“I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow.” (A sniffle) “—and I didn’t want to. And I got stabbed, but I didn’t _mean to_. I don’t want Tony to be mad at me, Harley.”

“Hey, he’s not going to get mad at you, okay? Actually maybe a little, because you’re past curfew. But I’ll talk to him.”

“Tony told me not to patrol today, but I couldn’t sleep and— _shit—_ ”

“Peter?”

“Oh no.” (A thud)

KAREN: “Harley, Peter is currently out from blood loss and he had accidentally removed the knife. Which, if you aren’t aware, you’re not supposed to remove.”

“ _Thank you for that Karen._ Shit, is Tony on his way?”

KAREN: “Tony, is thirty seconds out. I have alerted him of Peter’s current well-being.”

“Oh, good—”

KAREN: “He’s here, you can hang up now.”

“Thanks, Karen.”

 

**_Call ended._ **

 

_[Iron-Man Mask Recordings]_

 

TONY: (His hand is brought down, as he crouches next to an unconscious Peter, he slaps the boy’s cheek gently) C’mon, Pete, it’s not nap time.

PETER: (Groans, as he blinks open his eyes) ‘ony?

TONY: That’s my name. Listen, kiddo, we have to fly you to the compound. It’s gonna hurt, _a lot._

PETER: _Oh._ Okay.

TONY: (Tony’s arms are shown putting under Peter’s small bloody frame) You ready, kid?

PETER: Mmh?

TONY: I’ll take that as a yes.

 

_[End of Recording]_

 

_At 5:34 am_

**_irondad_ ** _added_ **_tonysbabysitter, May Parker, Happy Hogan,_ ** _and_ **_Pepper Potts_ **

_Stark-Parker-Hogan-Potts-Rhodes_

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** jesus tony did you have to make the chat name so long

 **May Parker:** Well, I like it.

 **May Parker:** It’s...cozy.

 **_irondad_ ** _made_ **_May Parker_ ** _+_ **_Pepper Potts_ ** _admin._

 **Pepper Potts:** As I thought.

 **tonysbabysitter:** is this about the kid?

 **May Parker:** It always is, hes naturally stupid.

 **May Parker:** But in a self-righteous way.

 **May Parker:** Like you, Tony.

 **tonysbabysitter:** may i think im in love with you.

 **May Parker:** That’s sweet James.

 **Happy Hogan:** Why am I in this again?

 **irondad:** we all know you care about the kid.

 

 **_irondad_ ** _changed_ **_May Parker’s_ ** _name to_ **_aunthottie_ **

 

 **aunthottie:** Real mature.

 **irondad:** thank you

 **irondad:** did you know your nephew cusses?

 **aunthottie:** I’m well aware.

 **irondad:** it does not fit him.

 **aunthottie:** Okay “language police”, when did you become so unfun?

 **_Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan,_ ** _and_ **_tonysbabysitter_ ** _liked **aunthottie’s** message_

 **irondad:** rude

 **tonysbabysitter:** wait what happened to pete

 **irondad:** he got stabbed, broke a few ribs

 **tonysbabysitter:** A FEW????

 **aunthottie:** Welcome to our world.

 **aunthottie:** He’s so dumb, sometimes I want to punch him but I love him too much.

 **irondad:** hes either the easiest kid to take care of or I’m shitting my pants. there’s no in between

 **Happy Hogan:** Last week he had a black eye. I think it healed before he made it to the lab.

 **Happy Hogan:** I’m telling you this now because he said he would tell you and he never did.

 **Happy Hogan:** Lil shit has no safety for his own well-being.

 **May Parker:** Hey, don’t call my nephew a little shit.

 **May Parker:** Only I can do that.

 **tonysbabysitter:** uh last weekend he came back from patrol with a broken wrist. i had to set it, because he didn’t know how.

 **irondad:** Why is this all coming out now???

 **tonysbabysitter:** so you can talk to him about how he shouldn’t feel guilty to tell you something when he’s hurt.

 **tonysbabysitter:** he doesn’t understand that you aren’t mad just concerned, tones.

 **Pepper Potts:** This isn’t bad, but he’s been harboring a dog in his room for over a week.

 **Pepper Potts:** It’s a golden retriever names sandwich and I love him.

 **Pepper Potts:** Take him away and we’re over.

 **irondad:** im gonna sit.

  


_At 7:45 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_Happy Hogan]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** i was gonna tell him eventually

 **Happy Hogan:** Kid, I knew you weren’t going to.

 **Happy Hogan:** I took the liberty.

 **spiderson:** Watch your back, Harold.

 

 **_Happy Hogan_ ** _took a screenshot of the chat._

  


_At 7:56 am_

**_Happy Hogan_ ** _is online at_

_Stark-Parker-Hogan-Potts-Rhodes_

 

 **Happy Hogan:** _[screenshot of chat]_

 **irondad:** oh ok

 **May Parker:** Harold lol.

 **Happy Hogan:** I’m hurt, May.

 **tonysbabysitter:** he threatened me too.

 **tonysbabysitter:** he called me james I was terrified

 **Pepper Potts:** Haha, I wasn’t.

 **May Parker:** Me either.

 **irondad:** you guys r scary.

 **May Parker:** Hey Tony when are we doing the wisdom teeth removal?

 **irondad:** cho postponed it to tomorrow.

 

 **_tonysbabysitter_ ** _changed the chat name to “exposing peter parker”_

 

 **May Parker:** What does exposing mean?

 **irondad:** oh I forgot u were old, it’s like uhhhh

 **May Parker:** Were the same age asshole.

 **irondad:** :(

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _added_ **_spiderson_ ** _to the chat_

 

 **spiderson:** wait!!! don’t remove me

 **Happy Hogan:** peter.

 **spiderson:** Harold.

 **spiderson:** am I allowed to keep sandwich

 **Pepper Potts:** Yes.

 **spiderson:** cool! also hi may

 **irondad:** um i didn’t approve

 **spiderson:** was I asking for ur approval? i dont think so

 **May Parker:** Hi, Peter.

 **irondad:** how do u keep adding yourself

 **spiderson:** figure it out. you’re the genius

 **tonysbabysitter:** oooooh. roasted.

 **irondad:** grrrr

 

 **_irondad_ ** _removed_ **_spiderson_ **

 

_At 8:00 am_

**_May Parker_ ** _is online_

_exposing peter parker_

 

 **May Parker:** Why is Peter crying?

 **irondad:** oh the meds are kicking in

 **irondad:** hes sensitive  :(

 **tonysbabysitter:** wait what’s happening

 **May Parker:** So Peter complained about the pain, so the nurses put him on more morphine. I asked him if he wanted anything to eat and now he’s sobbing.

 **May Parker:** I’m trying not to laugh but it’s kinda funny.

 **tonysbabysitter:** just wait until the anesthesia aftermath

**May Parker:**

_[video: Peter is crying into Tony’s shoulder, tears flowing freely. Tony has one arm draped across Peter’s body, patting his head comfortingly. He gives the cameraman (May) a dirty look._

_TONY: Why are you crying, kiddo?_

_PETER: (sniffle) If I eat the food then the food dies—_

_The boy looks distressed as more tears fall down his cheeks. Tony looks as if he’s holding back a laugh but puts up the facade of wiping Peter’s cheekbone with the pad of his thumb._

_PETER: (whining) I don’t want my food to die! (Quieter) Than where will it go?_

_May snorts from behind the camera, Tony smiles amused._

_TONY: The food isn’t alive, Pete. You can eat it._

_Peter seems even more upset._

_PETER: It’s already dead?!?_

_A pathetic moan comes out of Peter as he cries again, no tears left to come out._

_TONY: No—kid—it wasn’t alive in the first place. Here, have a string cheese._

_Peter looks reluctant as he peels back the wrapper. The camera cuts.]_

**tonysbabysitter:** I’m crying oh my gosh

 **_tonysbabysitter_ ** _saved a video_

 

_At 8:45 am_

**_tonysbabysitter_ ** _is online_

_Peter Parker Protection_

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** _[savedvideo.mov]_

 **blackwidow:** aw tonys a dad

 **buckedtoothgal:** “have a stringed cheese” lmaooo

 **princessshuri:** of course he would eat it

 **irondad:** don’t expose me like this :’(

 **tonysbabysitter:** haha

 

_...next day_

 

_At 9:23 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** i really don’t wanna do this

 **irondad:** we have been pushing the dates back so u have time to prepare. you’re ready

 **spiderson:** uhhhhh nooooooo

 **irondad:** yay!! peter you got this!!!

 **spiderson:** what are u doing weirdo

 **irondad:** im encouraging you duh

 **spiderson:** …

 

_At 11:05 am_

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _is online_

 **_[petersbabysitter_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

 

 **petersbabysitter:** on my way

 **petersbabysitter:** how’s peter?

 **irondad:** hes still sleeping, we had to put him on heavy medication

 **petersbabysitter:** don’t forget!!! we have to film it so we can embarrass him later

 **irondad:** yeah yeah

 

_[Peter’s Wisdom Teeth Aftermath Filmed by Harley Keener]_

_(The camera shakes a little as Harley steadies the phone, Peter’s face comes into view. His eyes are cloudy and unfocused and the first thing he does is grasp Tony’s hand with his. Harley coos teasingly, panning the camera to Tony’s glare)_

_PETER: (raising his hand to Tony’s level) Look! We’re holding han’s!_

_TONY: Yes, I see._

_PETER: (his head rolls so he’s making eye contact with Harley, he sighs) I love you, Harley._

_HARLEY: (choked off laugh) Love you too, Pete._

_PETER: Can I go home? I wanna go home, where’s May? (horror starts to settle on his face) Where are my teeth? (he cries, reaching to touch his mouth. Tony stops him, clicking his tongue.) My teeth!_

_TONY: We’re in the medbay, Peter. You just had your wisdom teeth removed._

_PETER: My wisdom is gone! (he slouches further down, moaning in dispair) I wan’ it back!_

_HARLEY: You still have your wisdom, Pete._

_PETER: Liar._

_(Peter reaches to touch his mouth again, but Tony grabs his wrist. He whines)_

_PETER: Where’s May?_

_TONY: At work, Kiddo._

_PETER: (tears welling in his eyes) I wan’ May._

_TONY: We’re not good enough for you?_

_PETER: No, I wan’ May._

_HARLEY: Wow. I thought you loved me._

_PETER: (he continues to whine, ignoring Harley’s previous statement. you can hear Harley’s scoff from behind the camera) I wan’ May._

_TONY: (Tony’s voice is patient.) She’s not here, bud._

_PETER: Can we call her?_

_TONY: We can try._

_(Peter watches as Tony dials her number, you can tell he’s making sure it’s the right one. It rings 2-3 times before a “click” is heard.)_

_MAY: Hey, Tony. Is Peter out?_

_TONY: Yes, he wanted to speak to you._

_PETER: Hi May! I miss you._

_MAY: (a laugh) I’ll see you in about two hours. Can you wait two hours?_

_PETER: (pouts) No._

_MAY: Why not?_

_PETER: Tony won’ let me touch my mouth._

_MAY: Good, let your teeth heal._

_PETER: I miss you._

_MAY: I know, Pete. See you in 120 minutes?_

_PETER: (Peter looks sad, his voice quiet) Okay._

_MAY: I larb you._

_PETER: You too._

_(Tony hangs up)_

_PETER: I wan’ May._

_TONY: (he ruffles Peter’s hair) I know, kid. But me and Harley are way more fun, right Harley?_

_HARLEY: (a giggle) Right. We can eat vanilla pudding._

_PETER: Vanilla pudding sucks._

_TONY: We have chocolate._

_PETER: I’m going to sleep, don’ talk to me ever again._

_(Tony looks mildly offended as Peter turns their back to them. Harley turns the camera to his face and you can see him mouth “wow”. After a few seconds of silence Peter speaks up.)_

_PETER: Tony?_

_TONY: I thought you hated me._

_PETER: (ignores him) Tony._

_TONY: Yes, Peter?_

_PETER: What don’t you know about me?_

_TONY: (grins) I know everything about you._

_PETER: (Peter turns around looking smug.) No._

_TONY: No?_

_PETER: You don’t know that Toomes dropped a building on me._

_TONY: (Tony’s smile falters, Harley chokes behind the camera) What?_

_PETER: Yeah told you, you didn’t know everything._

_(Tony looks concerned, Harley cuts the camera.)_

 


	11. Post-Wisdom Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly crack at the end, Peter’s an idiot but we knew that already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, my brains like dead.

_At 2:03 pm_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

 

 **irondad:** pete, im not mad okay? 

 **irondad:** please know that im not mad.

 **irondad:** i love you so much. to the moon and back. 

_seen_

 

_At 4:03 pm_

**_aunthottie_ ** _is online_

 **_[aunthottie_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

 

 **aunthottie:** Are you ignoring Tony now?

 

 **_aunthottie_ ** _changed their name to_ **_May Parker_ **

 

 **spiderson:** maybe just a little 

 **spiderson:** i just need a break. 

 **May Parker:** I’m glad you answered my texts. 

 **spiderson:** dont tell pepper or happy im telling you this.

 **May Parker:** Why would you think I would tell them?

 **spiderson:** you’re best friends with pepper? you’re dating happy? you gossip.

 **May Parker:** Okay I won’t. My breaks ending, larb you. 

 **spiderson:** larb you too. 

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _has [12] missed calls from_ **_irondad_ **

_voicemail from_ **_irondad_ ** _:_

“Hey, kiddo. I know you have this whole silent treatment mojo going down for you and I know you want us to ignore what you said when you were on anesthesia. But, _I know you have nightmares_ about that night. At first, I had a vague idea, with the plane crashing and the fire. Just—just I should've seen the signs. I’m sorry for not noticing, I’m sorry you had to go through all that. You’re strong, kid, you’re stronger than me. I’m proud of you, _really_ proud of you. Love you, Peter. Bye.”

 

_At 6:04 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_Happy Hogan]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** can you tell tony to stop calling me?

 **Happy Hogan:** Did you get in a fight with him? 

 **spiderson:** not necessarily. 

 **Happy Hogan:** Oh, okay. I’ll ask him. 

 **spiderson:** i know i seem like a jerk right now. 

 **spiderson:** hes just gonna wanna talk about toomes and i don’t wanna talk about toomes

 **spiderson:** so please

 **Happy Hogan:** Yeah, kid. Just take it easy, talk to you later. 

 

_At 7:34 pm_

**_spiderson_ ** _is online_

 **_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_May Parker]_ **

 

 **spiderson:** can you bring home ginger ale

 **May Parker:** Sure, hon. 

 **May Parker:** Do you feel sick?

 **spiderson:** just kinda nauseas

 **May Parker:** Ah, sorry buddy, I’m gonna be home around 2. Do you need me to leave early?

 **spiderson:** no it’s okay may. see you later

 **May Parker:** See you later Peter.

 

_At 8:14 pm_

[spider-man’s mask footage]

_All systems offline…_

(Peter slides on the mask, his eyebrows which were once tightly strewn are now easing. He looks slightly relieved.)

_Systems reconnecting…_

KAREN: Hi, Peter!

PETER: _Ah_ , Karen, headache.

KAREN: (matching his tone.) Peter you have a fever of 101.3. That is almost alarming for you, considering your base temperature is low to begin with. Would you like me to contact Mr. Stark.

PETER: No, it’s okay, Karen. Can you just turn on the “black out protocol”?

KAREN: Sure, Peter.

(The light and sound from the outside dims tremendously. Peter relaxes on his bed.)

PETER: _Mmm,_ thank you Karen.

KAREN: No problem.

(It seems like Peter falls asleep for thirty minutes before he shoots up, racing to the bathroom and yanking his mask off. You can hear him retching into the toilet—)

_Systems disconnecting…_

 

_At 10:34 pm_

**_Karen:)_ ** _is online_

 **_[Karen:)_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad]_ **

 

_Call accepted._

 

“Karen? What’s wrong? Is he hurt?”

“Peter Parker shows no indications of physical injuries. He has a temperature of 102.5 degrees and has asked me to call you. He is also feeling an extreme sensitivity to sound and light.”

(voice soft.) “A sensory overload?”

“ _Tony._ ”

(sigh of relief.) “Peter, hi kiddie. Karen said you weren't looking too hot. How’s the pain right now, 1-10?”

“9, _the mask didn’ work_.”

“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll drive to your apartment and I’m bringing something to help.”

“Than’ you.”

“You’re welcome, hold tight. Friday end call.”

 

_Call ended._

 

_At 3:34 am_

**_birb_ ** _is online_

_Avengers Official Group-chat_

 

 **birb:** jesus

 **buckedtoothgal:** yes?

 **birb:** shut up. I just saw Tony’s hair, so I did not expect peter to be laying on top of him.

 **blackwidow:** aw send pics

 **arrowhead:** Natasha has a soft sideee

 **blackwidow:** shut up 

 **birb:** [pictures of Peter passed out on Tony, taking up the whole couch]

 **buckedtoothgal:** damn he is knocked out

 **irondad:** oh yeah he had a sensory overload earlier 

 **blackwidow:** you know sandwich is still hidden in his room right?

 **irondad:** yeah but he’s kinda cute 

 **irondad:** and he isn’t making //too// big of a mess

 **arrowhead:** wow

 **irondad:** what 

 **arrowhead:** peter really did make you soft huh

 **tonysbabysitter:** i thought we established that?

 **irondad:** whatever birdbrain 

 

 **_irondad_ ** _is offline_

 

 **buckedtoothgal:** he’s just mad ur right 

 

_At 6:56 am_

**_spiderson_ ** _added_ **_mamajones, guyinthechair, princessshuri_ ** _+_ **_harryassborn_ **

_No Name_

 

 **mamajones:** a chat without ur brother?

 **mamajones:** sneaky

 **spiderson:** he’s not my brother 

 **spiderson:** and he’s gonna snitch if I tell u guys

 **princessshuri:** harley is basically ur brother 

 **harryassborn:** ok who changed my name 

 **princessshuri:** lmao me

 **guyinthechair:** why am i not surprised 

 **spiderson:** k so two days ago post wisdom teeth i admitted that i got crushed by a building 

 **mamajones:** buffoon. 

 **spiderson:** -and ive been putting off telling tony about the whole story 

 **spiderson:** so rn im hiding in tony starks fucking laundry room while he searches for me

 **harryassborn:** do u have ur suit with you

 **spiderson:** yes

 **guyinthechair:** just escape from a window!!!!

 **spiderson:** uhhhhh ok

 **princessshuri:** i feel like this is a bad idea 

 **mamajones:** me too 

 

 **_mamajones_ ** _changed their name to_ **_marypoppins_ **

 

 **marypoppins:** cause I have to deal with u dumbass children 

 **spiderson:** k love u 2

 **spiderson:** im free!

 **marypoppins:** dont text and swing idiot 

 

_At 10:34 am_

**_irondad_ ** _is online_

 **_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

 

 **irondad:** get your ass back to the tower

_seen_

 

_At 10:50 am_

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _added_ **_spiderson_ ** _+_ **_irondad_ **

_why????_

 

 **spiderson:** no

 **spiderson:** ugh leave me alone

 **petersbabysitter:** no

 **irondad:** no

 **spiderson:** you’re both annoying.

 **irondad:** i can take that.

 **spiderson:** both of u r overbearing 

 **spiderson:** you know that right 

 **petersbabysitter:** i know it and i can live with it 

 **petersbabysitter:** soooo

 **spiderson:** what will it take for u to leave me alone

 **spiderson:** do i need to DIE

 **irondad:** peter.

 **petersbabysitter:** ah teenage angst

 **spiderson:** youre only 17, imbecile 

 **spiderson:** catch u nowhere losers im moving 

 **irondad:** moving where? 

 **spiderson:** to the land of the dead 

 **petersbabysitter:** oh-

 **spiderson:** if u wanna know what happened so bad why don’t u check the suit- 

 **spiderson:** oh wait

 **irondad:** real mature. 

 **spiderson:** look all he did was crush me with a building. no biggie **.**

 **irondad:**.

 **irondad:** okay…

 **petersbabysitter:** who tf says no biggie

 **spiderson:** um me

 **irondad:** uh huh

 **irondad:** okay but can u come back sandwhich misses you

 **spiderson:** nice try but May has her day off

 **spiderson:** and harley ur officially taking care of sandwhich full time!

 **petersbabysitter:** aw how did u decide that 

 **spiderson:** because ur a bitch and i thought you would connect with him better!

 **petersbabysitter:** :(

 

 **_spiderson_ ** _is offline_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be better! I have a few ideas >:). Comment and leave a kudos. Ask the characters questions PLEASE and I’ll make a chapter dedicated to those questions.


	12. Okay and? We already knew that!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when taking peter’s blood for him later, Friday notices something off about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh baby chapter cause my mind is blank. this fic is going dry and I don’t know if anybody actually likes it anymore??? I edited all the chapters so the fonts were the same and it took FOREVER

_ At 9:34 am _

**_irondad_ ** _ is online  _

**_[irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson]_ **

 

**irondad:** i need you to come down to the medbay

**spiderson:** why

**irondad:** we need your blood.

**spiderson:** for? 

**irondad:** cause you get stabbed a lot and since your blood has the type of radiation levels no other human has if you were losing more blood we wouldn’t have a donor for you 

**irondad:** at least that’s what Bruce said

**spiderson:** jeez im coming 

 

_ At 10:56 am _

**_May Parker_ ** _ is online _

_ exposing peter parker _

 

**May Parker:** Tony did you kidnap my nephew again?

**irondad:** no…

**May Parker:** Tony.

**irondad:** he willingly came 

**Pepper Potts:** He’s here for blood.

**irondad:** okay ominous wtf

**May Parker:** Well, shes more informal than you. 

**irondad:** ugh whatever

 

_ At 11:30 am _

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _ is online _

_ geeks + nerds _

 

**petersbabysitter:** we haven’t used this groupchat in SO long

**princessshuri:** okayyyy well why are we using it now?

**petersbabysitter:** im calling the council!

 

**_marypoppins_ ** _ is online _

 

**marypoppins:** whats happening

**guyinthechair:** ok we are all here except peter

 

**_spiderson_ ** _ is online _

 

**spiderson:** sorry! continue harley

**petersbabysitter:** so i was casually u know going through peters phone cause we share passwords and mine died. so i was scrolling through insta when he got a gmail

**petersbabysitter:** peter care to tell us why u made it into mit but you haven’t taken their offer yet?

**spiderson:** ahaha

**spiderson:** ahaha

**marypoppins:** HE WHAT

**princessshuri:** hes broken.

**spiderson:** ahaahhaah

 

**_spiderson_ ** _ is offline _

 

**guyinthechair:** that...bitch

 

_ At 12:33 am _

**_irondad_ ** _ is online  _

_ Peter Parker Protection Squad _

 

**irondad:** sorry he asked to be added

 

**_irondad_ ** _ added  _ **_petersbabysitter_ **

 

**irondad:** once again i apologize in advance

**petersbabysitter:** PETER GOT ACCEPTED INTO MIT AND I THINK HE DIDNT WANT TO TELL YOU BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED YOU WOULD MAKE HIM BECAUSE YOURE FREAKING TONY STARK AND NOW THEY KEEP EMAILING HIM TO TAKE THE OFFER BUT HE DOESNT REALLY WANT TO UNTIL HES 18 BECAUSE HE WANTS TO STAY IN HIGHSCHOOL WITH HIS FRIENDS

 

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _ left the chat _

 

**tonysbabysitter :** What the fuck.

**birb:** language

**buckedtoothgal:** uh i already knew…

**irondad:** YOU KNEW? YOU DID? so metal man knew but I didn’t?

**blackwidow:** he said he wanted to surprise you! and then we all forgot to tell u behind his back

**irondad:** of course im not gonna force him

**irondad:** too stupid for his own good 

 

_ At 1:07 am _

**_irondad_ ** _ is online _

**_(irondad_ ** _ >>> _ **_spiderson)_ **

**_irondad_ ** _ is ringing  _ **_spiderson_ **

 

**_Call accepted._ **

 

(voice groggy) “What’s up with you and late night calls?”

“Sorry kid, I have a knack for them.”

“Figures.”

“So, Harley told me you got accepted into MIT.”

“...”

“You know you are super smart,  _ practically  _ a genius. No, well, you are one. So I don’t know why I missed that but you know you don’t have to go now right?”

“I...don’t?”

“No, kid, take life at your own pace.”

“Oh. Oh okay.”

“Was that inspirational?”

(giggle) “Very.”

“Harley told me to tell you to stop hiding stuff from me by the way.”

“Harley Keener?”

“Do we know any other Harley’s?”

“Tell him to stop being annoying and maybe I will.”

“Okay, love you, don’t party too hard.”

“Love you too and we both know I won’t.”

 

**_Call ended._ **

  
  


_ At 8:34 am _

**_Friday_ ** _ is online _

**_(Friday_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad)_ **

 

**Friday:** Sir, I understand Peter is with you and I didn’t think you wanted me to say this aloud.

**irondad:** whats going on?

**Friday:** When taking Peter’s blood, there was something I noticed in the DNA.

**irondad:** whats wrong? is he sick? 

**Friday:** No, sir.

**irondad:** then what is it?

**Friday:** Peter Parker is your biological son. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to make a question chapter, where YOU guys ask the characters questions and they answer them. Please leave them a question in the comments <3, thanks for the support. Mwah.


	13. Tony Stark’s newfound son.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds out he’s Tony Stark’s freaking son. (Read notes)

_ At 9:30 am _

**_[security footage from room 33]_ **

 

(Tony is pacing back and forth, murmuring wildly to himself. Peter is nowhere to be seen.)

TONY: I’m not dreaming? This isn’t a dream? Peter Parker is related to  _ me _ ?

FRIDAY: Yes, sir. I scanned  _ seven  _ extra times just like you asked.

(Sandwich jumps on the couch behind Tony.)

TONY: Give me all the details on Mary Parker.

FRIDAY: Mary Parker’s maiden name is Fitzpatrick—

TONY: What kinda last name is  _ Fitzpatrick _ ?

FRIDAY: Sir, I do believe you asked me the details. 

TONY: Okay I’ll stop interrupting.

FRIDAY: Mary Fitzpatrick had died in a plane accident when Peter was four. Along with Richard Parker. I’m sure you already knew that, sir?

TONY: Yes.

FRIDAY: Peter Parker is unaware that you are his father, because Mary had wanted to mention it longer down the road. Unfortunately she did not get the chance. I have a letter addressed to you that Mary did not send out. Would you like me to read it?

TONY: Go ahead.

FRIDAY: Dear, Tony. I’m sure you don’t remember me from our night on December eighth, but ten months ago I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I’m not asking for money, because that’s not what matters to me right now. Recently, he was born four weeks too early and was premature, he’s doing fine now. I’m going to name him Peter, if I ever have enough courage to send this to you. Please get in contact with me immediately, I would love for Peter to be involved in your life. Sincerely, May Parker. 

TONY:  _ Jesus Christ _ , I’m— 

FRIDAY: Peter Parker is coming up, would you like me to tell him?

TONY: No,  _ no _ . I’ll tell him when I’m ready. 

FRIDAY: Yes, boss.

**_[cut]_ **

 

_ At 12:45 pm _

**_irondad_ ** _ added  _ **_Pepper Potts_ ** _ and  _ **_May Parker_ **

_ No Name _

 

**irondad:** i have an issue 

**irondad:** HUGE ISSUE

**irondad:** wait

 

**_irondad_ ** _ added  _ **_tonysbabysitter_ **

 

**tonysbabysitter:** What’s going on?

**Pepper Potts:** Tony added us. He’s freaking out.

**irondad:** im just gonna say it. im just gonna say it

**May Parker:** You’re scaring me.

**irondad:** peter is related to me. like biologically.

_ 1:23 pm _

**irondad:** god, please answer 

**tonysbabysitter:** Like father/son?

**irondad:** like father/son.

**May Parker:** Mary failed to mention this. 

**irondad:** i figured. 

**Pepper Potts:** Honestly, you too are way too alike. I knew something was off.

**tonysbabysitter:** He has your eyes.

**irondad:** thank you?

**May Parker:** Did you tell him?

**irondad:** not yet…

**Pepper Potts:** So you told us first?

**Pepper Potts:** Honey, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

**irondad:** i panicked!

**tonysbabysitter:** Maybe you can tell him now? 

 

_ 2:13 pm _

**_[security footage from living room 33]_ **

 

(Sandwich is laying on Peter’s lap, as Peter rests his head on Tony’s chest. Tony looks nervous as he weaves his fingers in and out of Peter’s curls, there’s sounds from the television.)

TONY: You were a premie. 

(Peter’s nose scrunches, his eyes never leave the tv.)

PETER: Did May tell you that?

TONY: (shakes his head slightly) No,  _ uh _ , I got a letter.

(This time Peter looks up, he looks  _ very _ confused.)

PETER: A letter? What are you talking about? (He’s smiling)

TONY: Sixteen years ago, Mary wanted to send me a letter. I—I got it now.

(Peter’s face turns serious quick. He pauses the show they’re watching. Sandwich whines when Peter moves.)

PETER: Mary as in my  _ mother _ ?

TONY: Mary as in your mother.

PETER: Why would she want to send a letter to you?

TONY: Uh, she wanted to send a letter because she figured out that you were  _ my  _ son.

(Peter stands still, shocked. His hand lingers on the remote for a few good seconds, before dropping at his side. They both stare at each other for a long time. Tony breaks the silence.)

TONY: Huh. You do have my eyes.

(Suddenly, Peter starts laughing. He puts an arm around his stomach as he gasps, tears form in his eyes as he laughs harder. Tony just stares.)

TONY: Wha—

PETER: You had—had  _ so many  _ ways to—to tell me I was your son—so you brought up how I was a premie?

(The boy laughs even harder, doubling over. Tony puts a hand on his back to brace him, grinning toothily.)

**_[cut]_ **

 

_ At 3:45 pm _

**_irondad_ ** _ is online _

_ No Name _

 

**_tonysbabysitter_ ** _ is online _

**tonysbabysitter:** Did you tell him?

**irondad:** i did and at first he started laughing, but now he’s crying?

**May Parker:** Oh jeez. 

**irondad:** now he’s laughing again.

**irondad:** is he okay? 

**Pepper Potts:** He’s probably shocked. 

**irondad:** shocked in a good way?

**May Parker.** I can confirm it is in a good way.

**irondad:** oh, okay, that’s good. 

**irondad:** wait never mind he’s crying again 

 

_ At 4:56 pm _

**_spiderson_ ** _ is online  _

**_[spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_petersbabysitter]_ **

 

**spiderson:** call me NOW

**petersbabysitter:** are you hurt again?

**spiderson:** no just call me

 

**_petersbabysitter_ ** _ is ringing  _ **_spiderson_ **

**_Call accepted._ **

 

“Harley. You won’t believe this.”

“Go ahead.”

“Tony is my dad.”

“Yeah I know that.”

“ _ No _ , Harley I’m not joking.”

“Huh?”

“He’s related to me you idiot, like  _ blood _ -related.”

“Peter are you pranking me? Cause this isn’t funny.”

(A sigh.) “This isn’t a prank, I’m serious. Dead serious.”

“Tony Stark is your father. Tony Stark is your dad!”

“Yes I am aware.”

“Peter, you can be like rich.”

“That’s your first thought?”

“Well, not really but you can be his heir!”

“I already was—”

“Figures.” (Clicks his tongue.) “He spoils you.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“Yes, he does. Have fun with Tony!”

“Okay, love you!”

“Love you too.”

 

_ At 6:45 pm _

**_spiderson_ ** _ is online  _

**_(spiderson_ ** _ >>> _ **_irondad)_ **

 

**spiderson:** love you dad

**irondad:** love you too, kiddo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to leave a character question! Q & A special will be tomorrow! Just warning you that the next two chapters will be coming out fast. Hope you don’t mind :)


	14. Q & A Special :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers and Co answer some questions m!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby chapter cause barely ANYONE answered questions

**_Dianasauras_rex101_** _asked:_ Okay, so are Peter and Harry still dating in this? 

 

**spiderson:** sadly, Harry’s a HANDFUL

**harryassborn:** i can’t disagree with you on that one, but you’re also really annoying

**spiderson:** we are still dating, the author just accidentally deleted the relationship tag :)

**harryassborn:** they missed us cause we're too cute

 

**_harley keener stan_ ** _ asked:  _ What are some of Harley's favorite memories of Peter?

 

**petersbabysitter:** okay so one time we were playing hide and seek. i was the seeker, so i counted to 40. in the span of 40 seconds peter managed to hide in the DRYER. it took me an hour to find him

**spiderson:** i was going to get out early to scare you but i got stuck

**petersbabysitter:** idiot hours

 

**_Emerald_Break_ ** _ asked:  _ what power/additional power would you want to have?

 

**spiderson:** uhhhh invisibility 

**irondad:** the ability to keep track of peter’s dumbass all the time

**irondad:** no wait super healing, but i heal other people

**princessshuri:** nothing, my superpower is my mind and it’s already great enough

**petersbabysitter:** flight AND super strength 

**harryassborn:** mind reading duh

**marypoppins:** the ability to shut crying kids up

**guyinthechair:** peters powers definitely!

**guyinthechair:** wait i forgot he doesn’t actually produce webbing so my answer is flight

 

**_messedupstargazer_ ** _ asked:  _ are you a Rebel, a Jedi, or from the empire? (Authors notes: I’m not a Star Wars fan, I’m SO sorry I couldn’t answer your first question, but I had no idea how to answer it. I did some research to answer this question, please don’t bully me :()

 

**spiderson:** rebel definitely 

**irondad:** cause of han solo huh kid?

**spiderson:** i do NOT have a crush on han solo 

**irondad:** I didn’t say you did…

**spiderson:**

**spiderson:** shut up

 

**_messedupstargazer_ ** _ asked:  _ Tony, are you freaking out Peter’s yours? Because I think you are!

 

**irondad:** of course i was, that kid is way too good to be mine

**Pepper Potts:** Honey, no deflecting.

**irondad:** peter is an amazing kid, AMAZING. im actually more proud than mortified to find out he’s my son. surprised? yes

 

**_messedupstargazer_ ** _ asked:  _ Harley, you clearly care for Peter. He’s great. We love him. The question is, if he wasn’t dating Harry, would you want to? Would you want to replace Harry?

 

**petersbabysitter:** ew no, he’s like a brother to me

**spiderson:** yeah i get chills thinking about us dating. like...incest

**harryassborn:** im sad they implied that peter wouldn’t be with me :(

**petersbabysitter:** speaking of….haven’t officially given harry the shovel talk 

**spiderson:** no

**marypoppins:** its okay I did.

**spiderson:** oh yeah and harry was TERRIFIED 


	15. The snappening.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony watches the television, face creased like he’s going to cry. Nothing will ever bring them back. Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for this

_ four months later… _

 

_ Font appears in bold, sliding across the screen neatly:  _ **Tony Stark rumored to have a son, Peter Parker.**

 

A newscaster sits in front of the screen, fingers fumbling with the faux papers displayed on top of the table. He smiles wide.

 

“Recently, Tony Stark has been more open with his private relationships.” The man starts. “One of those relationships, is his intern Peter Parker. Those who’ve seen them around New York have realized they seem  _ too _ close to be just a mentor/mentee. What do you think Joanne?” 

He turns to a slightly frazzled woman, with curls loose and eyeshadow smudged. It was clear she was late. 

“I definitely think they’re more than just that.” She gives a closed-mouthed smile and nods in the direction of the camera. 

 

The news cuts to unleaked footage of Peter Parker and Pepper Potts rushing into the Avengers Compound. Pepper looks to be pregnant, Peter is squinting through the paparazzi lights. Tony is waiting for them at the door. The cameraman zooms in just in time for Tony to whisper something into Peter’s ear before it ends.

 

“See, why would Mr. Stark act in such a protective way with just an intern?” The man asks, quirking up his eyebrows for extra effect. A school picture of Peter Parker pops up on the side of the woman. 

Joanne blinks, “Well, no one can deny that they look  _ too  _ similar to not be related.”

 

Suddenly, the man pauses, and reads something off the screen. “I’m getting breaking news.” He states, Joanne reads off the screen as well eyes widening just barely. “A giant spaceship has landed in the middle of New York. Bystanders report it looks to be a giant ring.  _ Oh _ , we have footage.”

 

The news once again cuts, this time staticy and not planned at all. It seems someone is shaking and filming, people all around them scream. Tony Stark stands in the middle of two wizards and Bruce Banner. Cars are wrecked all around them. The video cuts just as another car almost swerved into the person recording.

 

“That was some...disturbing footage.” Joanne murmurs, she looks scared. The man,  _ John _ , grips the table tightly.

“Thanks for watching Channel 10 News, we will get back to you with more details later.”

  
  


_ Sparkly, sans font pops up on a black screen:  _ **Harley’s and Peter’s VERY exciting trip to MOMA.**

 

Harley seems to be recording, laughing to himself as he pulls the camera up to where Peter is sitting. Michelle is reading a book in front of them, Ned is sitting next to Harley. Harry is sitting next to Peter. 

“Today we are going to.” Harley gasps dramatically. “MOMA!” He zooms in on Peter’s face as the teen gives him an unamused look. 

Peter scrolls through his phone, “Why are you recording?” 

 

Harley doesn’t seem to mind the question, panning the camera to Ned’s sleeping form. “Tony said to document our trip. You know for memories.”

“He only said that because he’s old and probably wants to rewatch this a million times like a weirdo.”

Michelle snorts from her book, Peter grins like he accomplished something worthwhile. 

Harley’s voice comes out confused, “Do you think he really does that?” 

 

Peter shrugs slightly, “I dunno.”

They’re all silent together, before Peter’s arm hair stands up. He lifts his head and turns towards the right.

“I need you to distract everyone.” Peter whispers urgently, Harry gives him a look. “Right now.”

Harley shoves Ned awake, “Peter needs you to distract everyone.”

 

Ned seems prepared, he notices the spaceship, then: “We’re all gonna die!” The kids on the bus gather to see from one window. Peter sneaks out, the video cuts.

  
  


_ There’s just big bold font at the bottom of the screen, it doesn’t even bother sliding in:  _ **BREAKING: PEOPLE DISSAPEARING INTO ASH**

 

The two reporters from before are sitting there, rumpled. The woman, Joanne, has tear streaks lead by mascara. She’s sitting there, eyes distant. 

John is nowhere to be seen, instead next to Joanne, a pile of ash sits on the table. 

 

She sniffles, voice breaking. “Bystanders have reported to see people turning into ash.” She says brokenly, she looks up to the camera. “I’m sorry, I—I can’t do this.”

The camera doesn’t follow Joanne running out of the room, followed by her wails. It cuts.

 

_ a few months later... _

_ The words sit in the right corner: _

**security footage**

**angle 3, living room**

**8:03**

 

Tony is sitting in front of the television, head hanging low. He weakly reaches for the remote as he turns up the volume. The angle of the footage switches, so we can see what is playing.

Harley and Peter’s face is on the screen, they’re both grinning wide. Tony is in the background working, he doesn’t seem to be hiding his small smile. 

 

There’s large sans font on the screen:  **how it is to basically live with tony/vlog 1**

 

Tony, on the couch, rubs a hand down his face. He turns off the television and stands up, right as Peter laughs. 

Right next to the coffee table, there’s a picture hanging of Peter and Tony. Tony barely glances at it, he drags his feet to his room.

 

The angle switches again.

 

This time Rhodey and Pepper are in it. 

“You think he’s ever gonna get better?” Pepper asked, voice hushed. 

Rhodey shrugs, a sympathetic crease in the middle of his eyebrows. “Peter and Harley meant a lot to him…” He murmurs lowly. “We’ll just have to wait it out.” 

 

The footage cuts.

  
  


_ There’s last messages.  _

 

_ At 10:34 am _

**_irondad_ ** _ is online  _

_ Avengers group-chat _

 

**irondad:** Peter Parker...if you’re on this ship I’m going to kill you.

**princessshuri:** he used proper grammar, he’s mad, run!

**spiderson:** well it’s too late to turn back now. 

**blackwidow:** is it?

**spiderson:** yes

**spiderson:** wow we are really high up 

**irondad:** get your ass where i am

**irondad:** might as well help me, since you can’t listen to simple orders

 

**_spiderson_ ** _ is offline _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: there’s a sequel

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


End file.
